‘Dancing With the Stars’ recap: Geraldo Rivera eliminated on ‘Latin Night’

In head-to-head competitions, the person with the lowest score usually loses, except in golf. And that makes perfect sense.

But we’re not living in a rational world here, fellow fans. We’re in “Dancing With the Stars” land. And at least statistically, the cellar-dweller celebrity doesn’t go home in the first elimination.

But he did this time. Geraldo Rivera, Fox News correspondent and admitted awful dancer, became the first star to be eliminated in season 22. Cue sighs of relief from fellow poor scorers Mischa Barton and Doug Flutie, who are sticking around to hoof it another day. Their fans voted for them, regardless of their (lack of) dancing prowess.

The real surprise here is Barton, the former child star and veteran of Fox’s once-a-phenom series, “The O.C.” who had a robotic first dance, blamed the live band for her out-of-sync cha cha on Monday, and generally seemed annoyed to be stuck on a dancing reality show. Performance: poor. ’Tude: icy.

But Geraldo took the bullet – based on week 1, not his horrific Donald Trump impersonation from last night (more on that debacle later) – and now there are 11. Note to Mischa and Flutie fans: you’ll have to click and call incessantly to keep these two on the program much longer. The contest will get more brutal each week as the celebs improve their steps.

The obvious early front-runners like Nyle DiMarco, Ginger Zee and Wanya Morris will continue to battle it out with Paige VanZant, Jodie Sweetin and NFL hotshots Von Miller and Antonio Brown. Marla Maples may hang tough for a while, but she’s probably outclassed here, unless she can roust as many allies as her presidential-hopeful ex-husband.

Those are a few predictions based on what little we’ve seen so far, and anything can change. But I’d be shocked if the eventual finalists don’t emerge from that already top-of-the-heap group.

On to “Latin Night,” a perennial theme for the long-running series, where Geraldo went full Busey (see video above, if you dare), pro Mark Ballas had to sit out because of a back injury and the men revealed lots and lots of chiseled mid-body real estate.

Jodie Sweetin and Keo Motsepe

Samba to “Burn Up the Dance” by Dillon Francis and Skrillex

This mom of two young kids told People magazine she’s embracing her “sexy side” on “DWTS,” though she said she felt “awkward” during practice and suffered a mini-meltdown. Keo talked her down, and he must’ve had a calming effect on the “Fuller House” star, who took her cue from their song and did, in fact, burn up the dance in a metallic gold getup. Len Goodman said the dance was hot enough without the flame special effects on stage, and Bruno Tonioli called her a “golden goddess” who is “in the right place.” Carrie Ann Inaba said she was “in the zone,” but warned her to keep it fun and light, as opposed to concentrating too hard on her steps.

Score: 21

Marla Maples and Tony Dovolani

Argentine tango to Ed Sheeran’s “Don’t”

Marla, an all-natural yogi and meditation fanatic, tried to convince her pro partner to adopt her healthy amino-acid-and-collagen lifestyle during their pre-taped video, but Tony was having none of it. Maybe that’s why her “body work” is near perfection, Bruno said, though he urged her to go “down and dirty.” “You’ve got it, flaunt it,” said Bruno. Carrie Ann called her elegant and sophisticated and liked her long-lined take on the tango. Len, less cranky than usual, said it was clean and polished. He even smiled. Whoa.

Score: 20

Geraldo Rivera and Edyta Sliwinska

“Ran Kan Kan” by Tito Puente

I think I speak for everyone on the planet when I say, “What the what was that?!” Geraldo as a straw-haired, orange-hued Donald Trump doppelganger in the Oval Office? Edyta as Melania in a full-length fur coat? Well, at least we knew quickly which clip would be viral within minutes. Geraldo said he’s been friends with Trump for years, and promised “to make dance great again” during rehearsal. Carrie Ann was entertained, and though he did “not make dance great again,” she saw “improvement.” Len saluted him for giving it his best shot, and Bruno found it had “plenty of bravado,” though he was confused by the content. Bless you, Tom Bergeron, for asking about “the staging.” Geraldo said they wanted to bring some levity to the super-serious election chatter. Did they? It was a totally hilarious spectacle, if that counts.

Score: 13, equal to the low numbers from week 1

Paige VanZant and troupe member Allen standing in for Mark Ballas

Salsa to Don Omar’s “Danza Kuduro”

Paige had been concerned that she and Mark were about the same physical size, wondering aloud in rehearsal if he’d be able to lift and toss her around the dance floor. And then, he crashed and burned, grabbing his back and saying he thought he slipped a disc. Ouch. MRIs, bone scans and CTs follow. Paige didn’t miss a beat with her stand-in partner, with Len calling it “the best dance so far on season 22.” Bruno said she unleashed a volcanic explosion, or something like that, with energy and ease. Carrie Ann said she “destroyed that number,” though she tends to rush ahead of the music sometimes.

Score: 24, 8s across, even from Len

Antonio Brown and Sharna Burgess

Rumba to “Adorn” by Miguel

The football star’s only known the gorgeous redhead Sharna for a few weeks, and he had to get all up in her personal space for the rumba. He didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he looked like he was enjoying the heck out of that intimate, touchy-feely number. Bruno called him “blessed and gifted with all the right equipment.” But he warned him about applying the technique. Carrie Ann said he has the nuances, but needs to provide a stronger base for his partner. Len knows there’s a dancer inside, and looks forward to seeing it unleashed, but found the performance a little “scruffy.”

Score: 19, and the audience wasn’t happy with two 6s

Kim Fields and Sasha Farber

Salsa to Gloria Estefan’s “Conga”

Kim struggled and broke down during rehearsal, so Sasha surprised her with a Skype call from her idol, Gloria Estefan. Sasha’s the best. Kim attacked that salsa but suffered a few bobbles along the way. Carrie Ann noticed, of course, but called her “a natural performer,” with “Tina Turner legs,” and Len thinks she shows “great promise and potential.” Bruno advised her to cover her mistakes, keep going, and not let on that she messed up.

Score: 19

Nyle DiMarco and Peta Murgatroyd

Rumba to “Stole the Show” by Parson James

Unlike Marlee Matlin, a previous deaf “DWTS” contestant who could feel vibrations, Nyle can’t hear anything. That didn’t stop him from killing it during his first week on the show. During rehearsal, a few of his deaf family members stopped by for moral support. And Peta, rightly, predicted that the judges would nitpick them after their strong out-of-the-gate performance. She was so right. Len said there was “a proper lift,” which is a no-no in the rumba, and he found it “too hectic” and “too full of attack and aggression.” Bruno said it had “spine-tingling intensity,” but then picked on Nyle’s lines.

Score: 20

Mischa Barton and Artem Chigvintsev

Cha Cha to “Pata Pata” by Miriam Makeba

It needed to be a dance of redemption after a rocky start, but Artem felt like she wasn’t trying in practice. He didn’t like the drama, and he couldn’t find any sense of fun in her work. Mischa, when she wasn’t taking breaks, just seemed confused and sour. Their cha cha was off time and stiff. Bruno liked that she tried to get into character, but it didn’t fit with the music. Carrie Ann loved that she saw more of Mischa’s personality, and Len found much more “dance content” in the performance.

Score: 15

Von Miller and Witney Carson

Cha Cha to LunchMoney Lewis’s “Ain’t Too Cool”

Witney’s a “Barbie drill sergeant,” said Von, who has been fined by his pint-sized partner for being late and farting prodigiously during practice. (She’s giving all those crisp $100 bills to a skin cancer charity.) In short, do not mess with Witney. Carrie Ann thought he danced too small, and Len found it “tasty in places” with “funny bits” that had to do with him stepping on his heels. Bruno warned Witney to push the dance style front and center, rather than relying on Von’s big personality.

Score: 20

Wanya Morris and Lindsay Arnold

Salsa at “Echa Pa’lla” by Pitbull

He’s on tour with his band, Boyz II Men, so it was a hectic week with practice in two states. It didn’t matter because Wanya may be the most naturally gifted dancer in the whole bunch this season. Not only can he move, but he’s a joy to watch, and Lindsay is smartly making the most of his considerable talent. That was a loaded salsa with tricks and turns and Lindsay’s legs for days. Len said it was “full of energy, excitement, rhythm,” and Bruno said he had all the moves “from A to Z.” Carrie Ann called him “the king of the ballroom.”

Score: 24, tied for the highest score of the night

Doug Flutie and Karina Smirnoff

Paso doble to Rodrigo y Gabriela’s “Buster Voodoo”

The last time Flutie heard a crowd roaring for him, he was still in the NFL, so he got misty last week after his first performance. (The crowd clearly loves him, despite his lack of dance experience.) This go-around, he danced an aggressive paso doble to signify his son’s battle with autism. Bruno, who’s all about the showmanship, found it “so virile, so masculine,” and “so much better” than his initial outing. Carrie Ann declared Flutie “in the game,” for a routine that played to his strengths, and Len said it had “attack and purpose.”

Score: 20, a marked improvement

Ginger Zee and Val Chmerkovskiy

Samba to “Sorry” by Justin Bieber

Ginger needed to find her swagger and her inner flirt, Val said, and he told her to dig deep. The new mom said her sexy self was buried under baby-marriage-life, but she’d try to relocate it. Did she? That’s debatable because it was more of a G-rated version of the samba, light and sweet. Carrie Ann thought it was “fantastic” despite a few missteps. Bruno liked the way she recovered from those foot faults.

Score: 21

Next week: the most memorable year, in which celebs talk about watershed moments in their lives and shed lots of tears. Kim Fields already promised a “Facts of Life”-themed dance.

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