Opinion: ‘Mansplaining’ is not about how much men talk, but how they do it with women

To the editor: Stephen Marche misses the point. It is not the volume of talk that counts; it’s the type. (“Do men really talk too much?” Opinion, March 23)

Research shows that when women “talk a lot,” they are often engaged in inclusionary social work on behalf of others. “Mansplaining,” as the example that Marche actually uses, involves lecturing. Lecturing is not pro-social; it’s an assertion of greater power and knowledge than the person being lectured to. Men can talk less but dominate a conversation by being patronizing, choosing topics, interrupting and so forth.

Marche is correct to critique the widely circulating ideas that men and women just can’t understand each other because they come from “different planets.” They do not. In fact, both men and women know how to communicate as equals and how to exert dominance in conversation. Because of how they are socialized, they make different choices.

So the feminist answer is not a vague call to get along, but a commitment by men and women to power-sharing in talk.

Alexandra Jaffe, Lakewood

The writer is chairwoman of the department of linguistics at Cal State Long Beach.

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To the editor: I don’t think “mansplaining” is about how much men and women talk, but more about men talking about topics authoritatively when they are in fact clueless. I know because my wife is always telling me so.

As far as Marche’s citation of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Speak softly and carry a big stick,” the more apt saying might be this one: “It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

Chris Fite, Spring Valley, Calif.

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To the editor: Marche kicked off his attempted deconstruction of “mansplaining” by informing his readers that feminism was born 50 years ago. I could see the suffragists of the late 19th and early 20th centuries rolling over in their graves at that utter lack of historical context.

Then, he misrepresented the effort to get men to “overcome gender restrictions, to make men give more of themselves,” as women actually asking men to talk more. That’s not what we’re asking. We’re asking men to share more of their person when they speak, not to further monopolize conversations.

Please spare women the indignity of having our feminism mansplained on the op-ed page by someone who does not appear to know the history of the women’s movement or its objectives. It’s not in the least bit liberating — to men or to women.

Marcy Rothenberg, Porter Ranch

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