Letters to the Editor: Dementia drains families in so many ways. We need to talk honestly about it

To the editor: I am glad that screenwriter David Milch is coping well in his five-year journey with Alzheimer’s disease. He seems to still be alert, thinking and cogent. Unfortunately, that is not the reality for the vast majority of dementia patients and their families after several years.

When the media pull a discreet curtain over the true dementia experience, those untouched by it may not fully appreciate the exquisite misery suffered by patients as they decline and their loved ones who witness it.

There’s obviously the loss of memory, but also the loss of body functions; the harrowing wild west of trying to find in-home caregivers or “memory care” living centers; the draining of savings, loss of work and any pretense of a normal life for the (usually) adult children or spouse to whom this burden falls; and the unrelenting grief.

I was not given a road map or prepared in any way for the long goodbye first of my mother, then my father. I wish that someone would have given me an honest take on what lay ahead, and I earnestly wish those with a public or media voice will step up and discuss dementia with the honesty, gravity and respect it demands.

Susan Deutsch, Venice

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To the editor: I read your article about Milch with sadness and hope for something creative again from this talented man. I want to share a story about his kindness.

When he was filming “Hill Street Blues” at what was known as Radford Studio in the early 1980s, I was a struggling character actress with a gimmick. I would stand in front of different studios with a sandwich board reading, “Audition Denise McCanles.”

While most people thought I was crazy, Milch walked by me to lunch whenever I was out there and always acknowledged me, smiled and said something encouraging. I will never forget his kindness. He made a young, insecure actress feel important.

Denise McCanles, West Hollywood