Jon Stewart unleashes mega rant on deep dish pizza: ‘It’s not pizza’

People feel strongly about their pizza. Just ask any New Yorker. Or you can ask Jon Stewart, host of Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show.” On a recent episode, Stewart used the naming of the One World Trade Center as the new tallest building in the U.S., over Chicago’s Willis Tower, to launch into a truly epic rant on Chicago pizza.

Stewart breaks a Champagne glass with his bare hands and spends three minutes in a manic tirade on the Chicago staple. Here’s a look at the highlights:

“It’s not pizza, it’s a ... casserole.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t thought to complete your deep dish pizza by putting some canned onion rings on top of it. It’s a cornbread biscuit which you melted cheese on and then in defiance of man and God and all things holy you poured uncooked marinara sauce atop the cheese. Atop. The cheese. On top! The sauce, naked, cold, on display like some sort of sauce whore.”

He goes on to call deep-dish pizza an “above-ground marinara swimming pool for rats” and would like to be assured that when he gets drunk and passes out on his pizza, he won’t drown in it.

“With all due respect, I realize it’s very cold in Chicago,” says Stewart. “It’s very cold, it’s windy, you need to be able to, I don’t know, have a pizza and maybe cut it open and climb inside to keep warm.”

To further prove his point, he takes a piece of pizza from under his desk and starts chowing down on camera.

He doesn’t stop at insulting the Windy City’s pizza. He moves on to hot dogs.

“And by the way, you don’t put tomatoes and ... celery salt on hot dogs either,” he says with a mouth full of pizza. “Everybody knows there’s three acceptable condiments for a hot dog. There’s mustard, onions and stagnant cart water.”

Whoa, Jon, tell us how you really feel. For a look at the entire video, click here. Do you think his hatred for deep dish pizza is deserved? Let us know in the comments below.

Want more fun food news with a little food porn thrown in for good measure? Follow me on Twitter: @Jenn_Harris_

ALSO:

Sriracha bacon lollipops for a spicy, porky, holiday treat

Thanksgiving recipe video: Pumpkin seed stuffing with chorizo

Holiday cookie recipe: Sugar cookies plus bake-off entry information