Our modern-day gang suggestions for ‘The Warriors’ TV remake — one word: Beyhive

The Warriors are coming out to play, yet again. The L.A. Times can confirm that an adaptation of film cult classic “The Warriors” is currently in development as a TV series for Hulu.

Originally reported Tuesday morning by Deadline, Marvel directing duo Anthony and Joe Russo from “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” and “Captain America: Civil War” are apparently returning to their television roots for a series adaptation of Walter Hill’s “The Warriors” from 1979.

The Russo brothers won an Emmy in 2004 for their directorial work on Fox’s “Arrested Development” and honed their skills on the first three seasons of NBC’s “Community” from 2009-12.

It’s been 37 years since the Warriors and associated gangs roamed the streets of a pre-Giuliani New York City and things have changed. Assuming the Russos hope to reimagine the film with an eye toward modern life and not as a throwback to the NYC that was or a futuristic “Mad Max”-like universe to come, here are a few suggestions on how they can tap into the vibrant reality that is 2016:

New title

It’s not that “The Warriors” isn’t a great title. It is! But in order to make the project their own, the Russos should build off of that foundation and focus on some of the most battle-ready soldiers the Internet has ever created. New suggested title: “The (Social Justice) Warriors.”

Though the term “social justice warrior” may be seen as an insult to some, it encapsulates a group of individuals actively fighting for societal change for those who feel marginalized by more empowered classes. Largely misunderstood, the group is a perfect foundation to build a series around, full of honorable intentions, with plenty of room for criticism. Also, it will probably ignite a Twitter storm of haters (free viral marketing).

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Genderswap

With lady “Ghostbusters” murdering people’s childhood dreams (dreams of not having lady ghostbusters, apparently), the “Warriors” reboot seems like another perfect opportunity to gender-swap an intensely masculine endeavor.

In Walter Hill’s 1979 feature, only one gang, The Lizzies (we’re going to go out on a limb and guess that they weren’t named after Elizabeth Bennet), of the 21 featured was made up of women. That kind of gender representation just isn’t going to fly in a time where Beyoncé and Taylor Swift run all things music, Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren are threatening an all-woman Democratic presidential ticket and even “Game of Thrones” has realized who run the world. (Girls.)

With that in mind, the Russos should focus their energies on putting together a bevy of gangs made up entirely of women. There can still of course be a token male gang. They can be the (Gamer) Gators. They won’t actually be seen in the series itself, but they will make their presence known in the Internet comments section of every article about the show.

Gang suggestions

There are so many different ways “The Warriors” TV adaptation could go when populating its girl gangs, but here are a few ideas off the top of our head:

Beyhive - This one is almost too obvious. Aligned behind the holy teachings of our goddess Beyoncé, the Beyhive are ferocious, always dressed to the nines and ready to grind. Literally. Their weapon of choice is a cordless grinder, and also (but not limited to) a bat named Hot Sauce.

K Cups - Similar to the Beyhive, the K Cups serve as acolytes of the greater Kardashian clan. Always dressed to kill, these women are effective in a fight (and even more effective when it comes to building a personal brand) but can sometimes be distracted by making sure the lighting is flattering and that their selfie angles are on point. Their weapon of choice is a poisonous lip-plumping gloss that retails for $17 (plus $8.95 shipping) and is only available for purchase on their exclusive app.

The Hi-hats - OK, this is actually a gang from the original film that should be included because it is a gang made entirely of mimes. Mimes forever.

Meme-ry Glands - These ladies know their way around a funny cat photo and will cut you to shreds with their ability to juxtapose witty observations with a hilarious animated GIF.

Snapchattel - Something about Snapchat. Kids today love Snapchat.

We trust the Russos will be able to take it from here.

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Twitter: @midwestspitfire

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