With so many signed, Clippers’ fate is sealed

I like Elton Brand, the effort he gives, and I can understand his anger after most of his Clippers teammates let him down Sunday against Sacramento. But to say, “If we don’t make the playoffs, I guarantee you we’re going to have guys in here next year who are going to fight,” is wasted breath.

It just doesn’t work like that. The Clippers are stuck with Tim Thomas’ half-hearted effort through 2009. The same goes for the inconsistent Cuttino Mobley.

Chris Kaman’s contract extension doesn’t kick in until next season. No reason for him to go all out this season.

The Clippers sent out a letter on March 15 to season-ticket holders with these scary words included: “As a group, our key personnel are under contract for the long term.” Sorry, Elton -- no one is going anywhere.

Most of the Clippers are signed, their money guaranteed win or lose, and everyone saw how much heart and soul they had against the Kings.

“We basically had only two guys, Quinton Ross and Elton Brand, who showed up against Sacramento,” Coach Mike Dunleavy said. “After watching film of that game, I felt like throwing up. I told the players if that doesn’t hurt you, I wish there’s some way I could know that, because I don’t want you here.”

Welcome to professional sports. Some players don’t always want to win as much as the coaches, or the fans who pay to watch them compete.

As for the Clippers, some players seem already looking forward to the off-season -- as opposed to the off season that each one of the Clippers just had.

I COULD’VE checked this out, but it’s too priceless -- not to mention funny -- so why risk ruining it?

A Dodgers employee e-mailed to say, “Lon Rosenberg, Dodgers vice president of stadium operations, and the man in charge of the parking lots, now rides a motorcycle to the stadium. I saw him on it the past couple of games. Apparently he has found a way to deal with the miserable parking situation.”

MAKE THAT $600 for every win this season. E-mailer Alan Grossbard is the latest to join the cause, following Manager Grady Little’s lead and joining Marty Adelstein, Steve Soboroff, Jared Levine and Harris Rosner in pledging $100 for every Dodgers win this season to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA.

L.A. KINGS season-ticket holder Mike Foster e-mailed to say: “After suffering through another season, season-ticket holders were each rewarded with an autographed 40-year anniversary commemorative puck.

“Given the history of the Kings, you might ask ‘autographed by whom?’ Perhaps Rogie Vachon, Marcel Dionne, or any of the current Kings? No, the puck was autographed by 1971-1977 back-up goaltender Gary Edwards. I am not kidding.”

I called the Kings and a spokesman confirmed it was no joke. The team called on local alums like Dave Taylor, Jim Fox and Edwards to autograph thousands of pucks.

“Nothing against Mr. Edwards,” Foster wrote. “I am sure he is a fine gentleman, but come on. Is this the best the Kings can do?”

I’d check to see what the Ducks are doing for their season-ticket holders, but they’re a little busy with the playoffs right now.

A FEW days ago e-mailer Barry R. Halpern, M.D., complained about the horrible condition of the restrooms at Dodger Stadium.

This bothered e-mailer Gary Katona. “I hope the McCourts don’t read Dr. Halpern’s comments and decide to upgrade and improve. Following the pattern, next year we’ll have all new facilities wherein a ‘[human] being’ will show you to your urinal for a $5 fee.”

IT LOOKS like Mr. HGH, who is hitting .229 for the Angels, needs a boost. I’ll give Gary Matthews a pep talk next time I see him. What else did you think I meant?

LAST WEEK my nose began running.

A few months back I purchased the nose of Kiddy-Up, while Los Alamitos Race Course owner Ed Allred bought the rest of the horse. Kiddy-Up ran for stopwatches for the first time, and trainer John Bassett, who isn’t easily impressed, was impressed.

“I’ve been in this game forever, couldn’t buy a runner, and here you step in, know nothing, and you’ve got a talented colt who runs fast,” said Bassett, who has the job of not messing up the horse.

Kiddy-Up will make one more practice jaunt before being entered in a race in early May. If all goes well, he’ll then make a run for the Ed Burke Million Futurity at Los Alamitos on June 23.

Allred has pledged the first $50,000 Kiddy-Up wins to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA -- like he can make those promises without consulting with his co-owner from Page 2.

MARK VERGE, a high school pal of trainer Doug O’Neill, suggested donating $5,000 to Mattel’s if O’Neill’s horse, Liquidity, won the Santa Anita Derby, $2,500 if it lost. It lost, but instead of making it $2,500, O’Neill matched Verge’s generosity and this week the hospital reported receiving a check for $5,000 from the tandem. The kids have a new rooting interest in the Kentucky Derby: whatever horse O’Neill runs.

SID BROOKS, a gem of a man who worked for the Chargers as equipment manager before moving on to USC until his retirement in 2005, died over the weekend after falling and injuring his head in Arizona. I never met a man who had more friends than Sid.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Jeff Rose:

“There is no other way to put it: you are such a [jerk based on what you write]. I, a person of 49 years of age who is out of shape, challenge you to a refereed boxing match. I, who have no boxing experience whatsoever, will fight with one hand tied behind my back. If I win, you quit the Times. If you win, figure something out.”

It appears you already can’t handle a jab here or there?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

[email protected]. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.