Can they play ‘Purple Hayes’?

Although he really wasn’t into the music, Woody Hayes was college football’s first punk rock coach.

He attacked sportswriters, body-slammed TV cameramen, tore up sideline markers, slashed his face with his ring after a loss to Iowa and ended his career at Ohio State by punching a Clemson player who had just intercepted a Buckeyes pass in the 1978 Gator Bowl.

Almost 20 years after Hayes’ death, his legacy now includes a punk rock band from Columbus featuring four guys named Bo dressed as Woody, all of them wearing black-rimmed glasses, black Ohio State baseball caps and red windbreakers over white shirts and black neckties.

They call themselves the Dead Schembechlers.

Scheduled to headline Friday’s “Hate Michigan” rally in Columbus, the Dead Schembechlers spew satirical anti-Michigan venom in such songs as “Bomb Ann Arbor Now,” “I Don’t Wanna Be A Wolverine,” “Schembechler Kicked My Crippled Dog” and “Bo For 24,” a mocking reference to Schembechler’s failing to win a national championship in his 24 years at Michigan.

Schembechler, now 77, proved a good sport when learning about the group on the band’s website.

“Holy smokes, I couldn’t believe it,” Schembechler told the Columbus Dispatch. “They’re all dressed like Woody. I think it’s crazy.” He also told the Detroit News, “I still matter in Columbus!”

Last month, Schembechler had a cardiac episode at the Michigan-Ball State game, requiring doctors to implant a pacemaker in his chest. He is feeling well again, scoring a late victory over the Dead Schembechlers.

“Bo Schembechler can never die,” lead singer Bo Biafra told the Detroit News. “Bo Schembechler is immortal, as Woody Hayes is immortal.

“And as long as there are kids willing to get out there on a crisp autumn afternoon under a blue sky and fight each other at that Michigan-Ohio line, both those men will live forever.”

Trivia time

“Wide Left -- The Ballad of Mike Lantry” is the title of a Dead Schembechlers song. Who is Mike Lantry?

Battle of the bands

Ann Arbor’s answer to the Dead Schembechlers? A punk band called the Dropkick Woodys, who bill themselves as “Defenders of the Blue and Maize” and have recorded a single called, “I Spit On Woody’s Grave.” As influences, the band lists on its MySpace page, “Bo Schembechler ... Lloyd Carr ... Charles Woodson ... Tai Streets ... The guy who use to beat up that little (sissy) Archie Griffin in grade school to take his milk money.” The band says it sounds like “the bones of an OSU receiver being crushed on a Saturday afternoon.” As with the Dead Schembechlers, members of the Dropkick Woodys have adopted punk-style stage monikers. The band’s lead singer is “Brutus Schmuckeye.” On drums, “Maurice Clarett.”

Trivia answer

Lantry was Michigan’s kicker from 1972 to ’74. Michigan was undefeated heading into its 1974 season finale against Ohio State, needing a victory to advance to the Rose Bowl and keep its national championship hopes alive. Michigan trailed, 12-10, as Lantry lined up a 33-yard field-goal attempt with 16 seconds left.

As the song title indicates, Lantry’s kick was wide left -- barely.

And finally

Michigan owns a 57-39-6 advantage in its football rivalry with Ohio State, although Biafra quips that Ohio State is actually 102-0. He attributes those so-called Buckeye defeats to evil television wizardry.

“They can make Elijah Wood look like a bleeping hobbit,” Biafra told the Detroit News. “They can certainly make a football bounce a different way.”

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