NASCAR Race Must Have Been Sold Out

Turin, Italy, this year hosted the Winter Olympics, Detroit the Super Bowl and Berlin the World Cup final.

East Dublin, Ga., hosted the 11th Redneck Games, which Saturday drew a crowd of more than 10,000 for competitions that, according to the “ofishal skedyule” posted on the event’s website, included bobbin’ for pig’s feet, the hubcap hurl, mud-pit belly flop and armpit serenade. To the victors: a crushed and mounted Bud Light can.

L-Bow, grand guru of the event that was spawned 10 years ago to spoof the Atlanta Olympics, called the mud-pit competitors “just plain good ol’ boys and gals who’d give you the shirt off their back, although it’s doubtful you’d want it.”

Trivia time: Who is the only person to play in a Super Bowl and a World Series?

Last call: Among the zingers tossed out Wednesday night by Lance Armstrong while hosting the ESPY Awards at the Kodak Theatre was this one, directed at an Olympic skier: “Bode Miller is here, totally sober. He only drinks when he races.”

You know, Leinart’s buddy: Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel, on reports that NFL flameout Maurice Clarett is expected to sign with the Mahoning Valley (Ohio) Hitmen of the Eastern Indoor Football League: “We haven’t seen a career freefall like this since Nick What’s-His-Name was dumped by Jessica Simpson.”

‘Roid riddle: Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, on rumors that Barry Bonds is about to be indicted on perjury and tax-evasion charges: “Inquiring minds want to know: Will he be cleared, or is he about to get creamed?”

Instant expert: Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on efforts by Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino to buy the Pittsburgh Penguins: “Cuban must be optimistic. He already has begun complaining about NHL officials.”

Big brother knows better: Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times, on reports that the FCC has asked broadcasters for tapes of sporting events that could contain profanities from fans, coaches or athletes, presumably to see if indecency standards were violated during the telecasts: “So much for the theory that sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.”

Contact high: Lofa Tatupu of the Seattle Seahawks, asked the one thing about the NFL that would surprise fans, told Playboy: “Hitting people and getting away with it is such a stress reliever. It’s twisted, but it’s true.”

No disguising it: Ron Kantowski of the Las Vegas Sun, after Wendy Macpherson of Henderson, Nev., became the first woman in 103 years to win the U.S. Bowling Congress Open: “Take that, Danica Patrick. Eat your heart out, Michelle Wie. Macpherson’s victory was more remarkable than Bill Murray’s comb-over in ‘Kingpin,’ and that’s saying something.”

Trivia answer: Deion Sanders.

And finally: Jay Leno, on Italy’s World Cup title: “Imagine that, Italians winning without using their hands. Do you know how hard that is for an Italian?”