Spillane still on the case

Not many people realize it, but Mickey Spillane is alive -- and writing. “Something’s Down There,” the 53rd book by the crime fiction legend, was recently published -- more than half a century after his first novel, “I, the Jury,” introduced the celebrated private eye Mike Hammer. The 85-year-old writer has since sold more than 180 million books and rubbed shoulders with Hollywood, where his material has been turned into a spate of movies and TV series.

Spillane now lives with his third wife in a South Carolina beachfront home, a far cry from his Brooklyn roots. “Something’s Down There,” set in the Caribbean, also trades his trademark urban grit for seemingly balmier turf. But there’s a catch: Native fisherman are returning with tales of a shark-like sea monster (no relation to “Jaws,” the writer insists) cruising local waters. Enter Mako Hooker, a retired government operative on a fishing vacation, who vows to crack the case.

You’ve always projected a “tough guy” image. Are you as macho as you seem?

I’m actually a softie. Tough guys get killed too early -- I’ve given up car racing because the metal is too sharp and fishing because I ran out of grenades. I love pussycats. I have six, each with his own room. And even before I became a Jehovah’s Witness in 1950, I tried to stay out of trouble. I don’t play any Michael Jackson games -- people ruin their lives when they become famous.

You’ve always said that you don’t regard yourself as an “author” -- that, essentially, writing’s a job.

Right. It’s funny that I once was -- along with Lenin, Tolstoy, Gorky and Jules Verne -- one of the five most translated “authors” in the world. In the early years of paperbacks, someone said it was a sad commentary on the reading habits of the American public that I had seven of the top 10 fiction bestsellers. “Shut up,” I said. “You’re lucky I didn’t write three more.” People laughed at paperbacks when they came out, but they made me a fortune. I was brought up in the Depression, though, and have great respect for money. While I still have the Jaguar John Wayne gave me for helping to rewrite the circus picture “Circle of Fear,” I drive a Carolina Cadillac -- a Ford pickup truck.

When you came out to Hollywood, you hung out with Wayne and Jimmy Stewart, die-hard conservatives like yourself.

True. But I’m not the Hollywood type. Now, when I go out West, I just sit in my partner Jay Bernstein’s house and wait for the next earthquake. Though I played Hammer in a British version of “The Girl Hunters,” I don’t have the acting bug. An actor is someone who hates himself so much he has to be someone else. Just give me my typewriter and I’m happy.... I still have my two fingers.

Selling the rights to the first four was a mistake, you’ve said, because you relinquished all control of the movies.

The directors ruined the endings and, unlike my favorite movies, “Gladiator” and “The Hunt for Red October,” those films were very unrealistic. Bullets stayed intact when they hit walls, the lead was knocked out with a wooden coat hanger. Also, Hammer was played by B-list actors, not the stars who played [Dashiell Hammett’s] Sam Spade and [Raymond Chandler’s] Philip Marlowe. I was a lot happier with the TV series, starring Stacy Keach, but he got too old and the stunts got to him. One lesson I learned from Hollywood: Never use the word “net” in a contract. There is no such thing as “net profits,” but they fake you out if they think they have you by your short hairs.

You were called an “inept vulgarian” in the New Republic, and in the 1950s, your work was criticized in Senate hearings investigating juvenile delinquency.

Women didn’t get shot up like that, it’s true, before I came along. My writing may have been vicious, but I was young and full of attitude. But compared to what you see today, I didn’t write sexy stories. A lot of hugging and kissing but not much bedroom stuff. I’ve always been a pariah with the Mystery Writers of America. Some of the members who write fancy stuff are annoyed because it’s a business -- and they don’t have the readers. My major accomplishment is that I’ve stayed alive. I’ve got a full head of hair and don’t wear eyeglasses. And I’ve kept the smoke coming out of the chimney for a very long time.

-- Elaine Dutka