Everything’s Different This Year

For the last eight Septembers, it has been the mundane Sunday routine: Los Angeles on the sideline, watching while America plays. You’d have thought we’d have gotten used to it by now, but after this September, with our NFL past (the Rams) 0-4 and our NFL future (the Chargers?) 4-0, we don’t know if we’re coming or going.

We do know this: Tommy Maddox was the best quarterback the last pro football team in Los Angeles ever had. And if Pittsburgh Steeler Coach Bill Cowher didn’t realize that Maddox was the answer to his team’s out-the-gate troubles, the 37 season-ticket holders of the late L.A. Xtreme (2001 to 2001, R.I.P.) could have told him.

We know our football here. Or at least we know that on a dry field in Pittsburgh, with all things being equal, including the score at the end of regulation, Maddox is far less likely to hurl a game-losing interception than Kordell Stewart.

What was that? You say Maddox opened Sunday’s overtime period against Cleveland by hooking up with Brown linebacker Andra Davis? On the very first offensive play of sudden death?

Let me ask you this: Did Pittsburgh lose the game?

Technically speaking, you would have to say no. Although that one’s under review. The Browns are still trying to figure out how they blocked Todd Peterson’s 24-yard field goal, then lost the game on Peterson’s 31-yard field goal on the very next play.

So far, the Browns are having the kind of season that makes a city swear off football. Cleveland tried that for a few years in the late ‘90s. Initial civic response: How about spending millions on a new stadium in order to bring back the NFL? Older, wiser response after Sunday’s 16-13 loss to Pittsburgh: How about seeing if we can fish out the warranty on this thing?

The Browns began the season by tackling Kansas City’s quarterback on the last play before time expired, with Cleveland leading by two points. The Browns lost.

Three weeks later, the Browns blocked Pittsburgh’s potential overtime-ending field goal on second down. On third down, the Browns lost.

Two obscure passages from the NFL rule book separate the 2-2 Browns from 4-0. Against Kansas City, Cleveland linebacker Dwayne Rudd injured himself while tackling Trent Green as time ran out--diagnosis: brain cramp--and threw his helmet while a Kansas City lineman was running with the football. Rudd was penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct. NFL rules hold that no game can end on a defensive penalty, so Kansas City was given an out-of-time field-goal attempt and Cleveland lost, 40-39.

Sunday at Heinz Field, Cleveland’s Alvin McKinley broke through the Pittsburgh line to block a late field goal--only he was guilty of blocking it too well and too soon. McKinley got all ball, sending the carom several yards behind the line of scrimmage, where Steeler John Fiala recovered.

Because the ball had not passed the line of scrimmage, and because Pittsburgh attempted the field goal on second down, the ball remained in Pittsburgh’s possession, as if the Steelers had simply fallen on a botched pitchout.

Third down, Steelers.

Second chance, Peterson.

This time from 31 yards, Peterson nailed it.

And years from now, Maddox, who replaced the struggling Stewart at quarterback in the fourth quarter, can tell his grandchildren how he won the big game over the Browns for the Steelers.

Winless, and awful, in their first two games, the Steelers are now 1-2 with a grimy asterisk attached. Cowher, who was credited with his 100th NFL coaching victory, most likely doesn’t care.

In this league, it’s all about winning--and to quote Houston Texan defensive tackle Seth Payne, who didn’t win Sunday in Philadelphia, “Respect is nice, but wins are a lot better than respect. I’d rather be disrespected and go 16-0.”

Ah, an expansion footballer can dream, can’t he? The Texans, on pace for 16-0 after Week 1, have been badly disrespected ever since, losing their third straight, the latest by a 35-17 score to the Eagles, who even dragged out a trick play--fake punt, shovel pass from Brian Mitchell to Brian Dawkins, 57-yard touchdown--to rub the Texans’ noses in it.

That left the first-year Texans 1-3, which leaves them looking down at the defending NFC West champion Rams. For the shell-shocked masses of St. Louis who had taken solace in the notion that things couldn’t possibly get worse after three losses in three starts, well, the Cardinals open the National League playoffs this week.

Not only did the Rams lose, 13-10, at home to the Quincy Carter Dallas Cowboys, they are now 0-4 for the first time in 40 years and facing the prospect of playing at least the next four weeks without Kurt Warner, who broke the pinkie finger on his throwing hand for the second time in three years. To quote former Angel manager Cookie Rojas, whose team used to share the same Anaheim address with the Rams, “You’ve hit bottom rock!” Be careful what you wish for, Warner bashers, whose ranks had been swelling during the Rams’ 0-3 start. St. Louis has seen its football future, and its name is Jamie Martin, who replaced Warner and drove the Rams to all of 10 points against a Dallas defense that had yielded 44 to Philadelphia the week before.

To make matters worse: Green, the quarterback formerly employed by the Rams for emergencies like this, was passing for five touchdowns across state to lead the Chiefs to a 48-30 upset over the previously unbeaten Miami Dolphins.

The Rams haven’t been the same since the Super Bowl loss to New England--and neither, quite frankly, has New England. The Patriots were 3-0 heading into Sunday’s game in San Diego, having convinced the doubters and the bookmakers that they were for real (give or take the cyborg who sits in for Bill Belichick during postgame news conferences).

Thus convinced the Patriots were headed for 4-0, the nation promptly got burned again--watching the Chargers win instead, 21-14, to run their record to 4-0 after ending the 2001 season 0-9.

Until any bit of this season starts making sense, please refer to the Cincinnati Bengals--35-7 losers to Tampa Bay, 0-4 for the sixth time since 1990--the league’s last remaining touchstone.