When Baseball Fans Yell Out ‘You Stink!’ in Laguna, They’re Being Literal

Some baseballers who really stink ... The Laguna News-Post’s police log reported that a skunk was trapped in a batting cage facility “and was spraying everything in sight.”

Hang 10? Or fore? Robin Russell of Pasadena noticed that a traffic warning across the street from a golf course depicted an athlete, but not a golfer, unless it’s one who has switched from titanium to fiberglass (see photo).

Sudden thought: Whenever I hear about a sign being manipulated in Pasadena, I remember that the city is also the home of those legendary pranksters at Caltech.

Never a dull moment next-door, I guess: Moving on to Surf City, the police log of the Huntington Beach Wave listed a call from a resident who said “a naked man was in a neighbor’s backyard, but that no one should be at the house because all the occupants of the home were in jail.”

Translation, please: “My grandchildren in high school do not remember the old-fashioned typewriters--let alone upper-case and lower-case keys,” wrote Dr. Burton Sokoloff of Tarzana. He sent along an old bill he received from Cedars-Sinai where the amount due had accidentally been typed in upper case. Sokoloff suspected it was supposed to say $12.30, but dutifully made the check out for the amount listed (see accompanying).

And ... “it actually went through and was cashed,” he said. “An officer for the bank wrote in the true sum.”

Sudden thought: You know that hospital bill was sent out a long time ago--1976, to be exact--if it was for $12.30.

Translation, please (Part 2): My colleague, columnist Will Rogers, says that during a discussion about new security features for Burbank Airport, one federal official suggested “beds.”

What kind of security would beds offer? Actually, the official’s suggestion was spelled BEDS, short for Biological Explosive Detection Systems.

Which is?

Rogers explained: “You and I would say ‘bomb-sniffing dogs.’”

Clippers fans can skip this item: As is now obvious, the Lakers are going to be world champions for the third straight year. But I’ve noticed that some of the Laker flags suddenly appearing on cars are tattered--obviously leftovers from last year or the year before. Their shoddy state is insulting to the team--and possibly a traffic hazard, should any break loose.

As a public service, then, this column is calling on the state Legislature to add a section to the Vehicle Code requiring drivers to turn in their old Laker championship flags for new ones each year.

I’m sure it’s a slam dunk to pass.

Intersecting paths: KNX reporter Laura Ornest was interviewing a manicurist who had just given a skid row woman a free Mother’s Day nail job at the Fred Jordan Mission. The manicurist talked about what a blessing it was to help the less fortunate and mentioned that her name was Saverne Smith.

The recipient of the manicure exclaimed: “We went to high school together!” The two women blurted out “Locke High!” almost simultaneously.

Added Smith’s client, clinching the deal: “1976!” Smith told Ornest: “You never know who you’re going to help.”

miscelLAny: This rave from best-selling author Sidney Sheldon appears on the back of the novel “Halfway Home”: “Evocative, haunting and powerful, with characters who touch the heart. This is a novel you are not soon going to forget.” And who is the author? Mary Sheldon, Sidney’s daughter.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at [email protected].