LAUGH LINES

Caffeine City: “According to the Associated Press, a Dallas man has set a record by visiting 2,850 Starbucks. The weird thing is, all 2,850 Starbucks were on the same block.” (Conan O’Brien)

Risk Taker: “Fox announced ‘Ally McBeal’ is over after five seasons. Star Calista Flockhart says the end of the show leaves her free to try something risky, like a bagel.” (Tina Fey)

Food for Thought: “A woman is suing a snack foods company, ... claiming that its Pirate’s Booty snack chip ruined her diet because they contained twice the fat [than was indicated] on the label. Here’s a tip: If the snack you’re eating contains the word ‘booty,’ you’re probably not going to be losing much weight.” (Jay Leno)

Universal Philosophy: “A Princeton University professor says the Big Bang theory of the universe is wrong and that the universe never really began and will never ever end. Kind of like Madonna’s film career.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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