Writing Without Olympic Ring Around His Neck

A recap of the news while recovering from post-traumatic Olympic security syndrome and wondering what marathon runners think about during miles 2 through 23.

News item: Austrian Hannes Trinkl wins important Alpine downhill race in Norway.

Second thought: This is a huge story because Trinkl didn’t even make the cut for the mighty Austrian Olympic team, yet ... what’s that? The Olympics are over? They blew out the torch? The translators have gone home? I don’t have to write about Austrian ski racers for another four years?

Danke schoen.

News item: Pacific 10 Conference men’s basketball tournament begins Thursday at Staples Center.

Second thought: I’m still not sure why ($$$$) they revived this postseason tournament (ka-ching), because the Pac-10 managed perfectly fine without one for more than a decade. Why wouldn’t the conference want to be aligned with the Ivy League ($$$$) as the only league without a tournament? Contrary to some opinion, the lack of a tournament hasn’t hurt the Pac-10 in the NCAA tournament. The league has boasted two national titles, UCLA in 1995 and Arizona in 1997, while the Wildcats reached the title game last year.

Why would the Pac-10 do this ($$$$)?

Am I missing something here (ka-ching)?

News item: Golfer Fred Couples proposes breakaway tour for past-their-prime superstars.

Second thought: Listen, they’ve tested this concept with the NBA’s Portland Trail Blazers and it just doesn’t work.

News item: The countdown begins toward ESPN’s March 10 airing of “Season on the Brink,” the movie based on former Indiana Coach Bob Knight.

Second thought: Interesting, isn’t it, that a movie about an educator has to come with parental guidance warnings. Strangely, ESPN will broadcast an unexpurgated version of the Knight movie while ESPN2 will air a tamer, toned-down version. ESPN was kind enough to provide a sample snippet of how the two versions will differ.

ESPN2 version: Knight: “Mr. Alford, would you be kind enough to run the motion offense the way we worked on it in yesterday’s practice?”

ESPN version: Knight: “Listen, you bleep, run the bleepin’ offense or I’ll kick your bleep back to Bloomington.”

News item: House cleaners in Salt Lake City find blood transfusion bags left behind by members of Austrian Nordic ski team.

Second thought: I feel less embarrassed now about asking hotel services to return the IOC-banned “Interesting Alpine story angles” hypodermic blood-doping kit I left under the bed.

News item: Fox plans boxing show pitting celebrity rivals.

Second thought: Paula Jones, substituting for Amy Fisher, will square off against Tonya Harding in the featured bout. Fox is trying to secure rights to Bob Toledo vs. Rick Neuheisel, Kobe Bryant vs. Samaki Walker, Kobe vs. Reggie Miller, Kobe vs. Dennis Miller, Kobe vs. Philadelphia, Kobe vs. Cable Guy, Kobe vs. Emanuel Lewis, Dennis Miller vs. John Madden, Don King vs. Bob Arum and Scott Hamilton vs. the French judge.

News item: Rival students break right hand of Kentucky high school basketball star to prevent him from playing in tournament.

Second thought: A spokesperson for Tonya Harding says the thug-skater was WAY too busy preparing for the Paula Jones fight to have anything to do with the incident.

News item: Basketball world commemorates 40th anniversary of Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game on March 2, 1962.

Second thought: To pay homage, Philadelphia native Kobe Bryant vows to throw 100 punches by season’s end.

News item: Salt Lake Games hailed as huge success.

Second thought: This poll was obviously not taken Monday at Salt Lake International Airport, where thousands of people waited in hours-long lines to leave town.

A gold medal ought to be awarded to the Boston Globe editor who, facing a five-hour wait to check his bags, took a cab back to the hotel and express-mailed his luggage to Boston, then hopped back in a cab, returned to the airport and went straight to his gate.

As innovative Olympic feats go, this move ranks up there with Jonny Moseley’s “Dinner roll.”

Citius!

Altius!

Fortius!

Taxi!

News item: John Madden leaves Fox to join ABC’s “Monday Night Football.”

Second thought: Here was the problem with Dennis Miller’s two-year, smart-act, sidekick stint. A man known for acerbic, dead-on, no-holds-barred satire on his often wickedly funny HBO show turned to mush after getting to meet his favorite players and coaches during production meetings. Bottom line, it’s a lot tougher to rip a guy after he’s autographed your ball cap.

News item: ESPN investigative report reveals 40% of Duke basketball players major in sociology as compared with only 2% of the student body.

Second thought: We haven’t seen this much favoritism accorded Duke players since officials gave them a free pass during last year’s NCAA tournament.

News item: Arkansas basketball Coach Nolan Richardson accepts buyout from university.

Second thought: Richardson has done more good than harm for the sport, yet his rambling discourse this week was reminiscent of Captain Queeg in the “The Caine Mutiny.”

Ah, but the strawberries!

Richardson is right about the difficulties of being an African American basketball coach in the Southeastern Conference. Then again, the SEC’s next black head football coach will be its first.

News item: San Francisco Giant second baseman Jeff Kent breaks his left wrist while washing his truck.

Second thought: Witnesses say Kent injured himself while trying to hit for the cycle (rinse).

News item: Baltimore Ravens release quarterback Elvis Grbac the same week Seattle Seahawks sign Trent Dilfer to a long-term deal.

Second thought: The Dilfers need to clip and save this item and file it in their scrapbook under “Hunk-a, Hunk-a Burnin’ Justice.”

News item: Winter Olympics end in glory; U.S. economy shows sign of recovery.

Second thought: Hey, not a bad week for Bud and Alan Greenspan, huh?