To Escape, Intended Murder Victim Could Have Used Any Key and Exited

The police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise reported that a man was heard screaming, “I am going to kill you!” However, the newspaper said, a subsequent investigation revealed that he “was addressing his computer.” And no jury of PC users would convict him.

Unclear on the concept: The same police log also carried an item about a guy who was arrested after trying to open an account with a woman’s driver’s license. A bald guy.

Guide to Adventurous Dining: Today’s servings (see accompanying) include:

* Some furry animals from the polar regions (sent by Pauline Yokota of Mission Viejo)

* A cheese-and-bacon sandwich of questionable taste (Scott Woods of L.A.)

* Some paper towels cooked just the way you like them (Nancy Stewart of Whittier)

* And, finally, a banana cream pie offer spotted by Bill Dana of Corona del Mar that he hasn’t taken up “because the notice at the bottom of the ad left us confused about how long we could keep it. And what would happen if we didn’t return it on time.”

Plates in motion: Mention here of a nationwide vanity plate contest prompted Bonnie Sloane to recall seeing a vehicle that you never want to play chicken with. The plate read COQOVAN.

Sounds familiar somehow: After the mentions here of a hair salon that sold “moose” and a Web site that tracks squirrels on college campuses, Phil Proctor thought the two could be combined into a TV series. Call it something like “Rocky and Bullwinkle.”

If the name fits: Anne Olmstead noticed that the grounds manager at the former Ambassador College campus in Pasadena is Ron Grassman.

A little hint: Before the Lakers’ title-clinching win, Bad Boys Bail Bonds on 1st Street gave away lanyards (ID-card neck cords) bearing the team’s purple-and-gold colors, as well as Bad Boys’ phone number. It was an advertising gimmick. But it also could have been seen as a reminder to Laker fans to avoid riotous celebrating.

MiscelLAny: Imagine it’s election night in November and you stroll into the campaign headquarters of the forces fighting against secession by the San Fernando Valley. What would their theme song be? Mark Steinberg of L.A. votes for “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.”

How about the pro-secession side? Any songs come to mind, dear readers? I suppose they could be warbling, “50 Ways to Leave L.A.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at [email protected]