Bighorn Might Never Recover From His Visit

PALM DESERT —  During the middle of my practice round Sunday on the Canyons Course for Monday night’s “Battle at Bighorn,” some joker screamed “fore!” while hitting into our threesome.

I guess that was better than the authorities yelling, “Get off the course, you jerk,” but I’ll tell you what, I let Tiger Woods have it when he drove up in his cart, and while he just gave me a big grin and apologized, his ball had hit the other fairway and it was obvious he hadn’t recovered from his British Open flop.

That’s why I played on, for the good of Tiger, leaving behind a divot trail for him to follow in his engagement with Sergio Garcia. I didn’t think it would help Jack Nicklaus or Lee Trevino, though, because they’re a lot older and don’t hit the ball as far as Tiger and I do.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against old men playing golf; it gets Sports Editor Bill Dwyre out of the office.

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IN A span of nine holes, and a great Sunday afternoon on a great golf course, I ran into Tiger, then a little later The Bear. Now nothing against the slugs I was playing with, sports PR specialist Steve Brener and Associated Press golf writer Doug Ferguson, but I wish my dad could have lived long enough to brush shoulders quite by accident with the two greatest golfers in the last 40 years. He loved the game of golf, looked a lot like Jack, and swung the club like Dwyre.

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ANYONE WHO watched this same TV show a year ago with Annika Sorenstam and Karrie Webb, playing like two bowlers who had just been given golf clubs for the first time, had to appreciate the fact organizers gave up on the idea of trying to convince people that women play exciting golf. I know Bighorn owner R.D. Hubbard went ahead and invited women to his golf tournament in Indiana a few months ago, but from what I understand, it wasn’t to play golf.

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THE GENERATIONAL gap in golf could be measured here easily in driving yards. On the third hole Monday, Jack hit a driver 252 yards, and Tiger hit his 327. Jack cranked it on the next hole 263 yards, so Tiger hit his 330.

Trevino said he got Tiger, however, telling Tiger that he couldn’t hit his two iron longer than Trevino’s driver. “Got him by six yards,” Trevino said.

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TIGER BIRDIED nine of the 16 holes played, and because of two birdie putts by Jack, Tiger never got the chance to putt out two other birdie opportunities, which tells you what an incredible show Tiger put on. “I think I did all right,” smirked Tiger.

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IN RESPONSE to a question about a plaschke column earlier this week that suggested Tiger hadn’t given any assistance to an African-American golfer on a satellite tour, Tiger indicated he hadn’t read the column. I probably shouldn’t offer any further comment at this time.

However, he did say, “I have never been asked for money to support them. My foundation has helped junior golf ... we’re about education--not to become the best golfers in life. But to give them hope.”

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TIGER MADE himself available to the Japanese media Sunday for more than an hour to announce he will play in Japan. Woods reportedly will receive a $2-million appearance fee for going to Japan, which raises the question, how much would it be worth to the Dodgers for me not to appear at their games?

When asked what baseball position he would play, he told the interviewer he’d be a pitcher. “It’s a dream job. You get four days off to play golf.” I wonder if he’d demand a private plane for his pleasure like another pitcher we know.

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AFTER A three-year run in this oven, the made-for-TV event is moving to The Bridges at Rancho Santa Fe just outside San Diego. I’m told Phil Mickelson is a member at The Bridges. Next year, it might be exciting to pit Mickelson against Tiger, giving Mickelson an eight-up lead with nine to play and see if Mickelson closes him out or chokes. It’d be compelling TV.

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76ER COACH Larry Brown, here for the golf, was asked by a reporter whether he had heard about the Clippers’ trade that has Darius Miles going to Cleveland for Andre Miller and said, “Not Darius Miles.”

I also gathered by his comments that he doesn’t think Clipper owner Donald Sterling will pay Michael Olowokandi, Miller, Lamar Odom and Elton Brand. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about.

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AL MICHAELS, doing the broadcasting here for ABC, played the Canyons Course on Sunday, but refused to divulge his score. I’m guessing then it was higher than the mid-day temperature here.

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AT DEL MAR on Sunday Ryan Leaf proved to be both a real winner and real loser again. Leaf apparently won the trifecta in the ninth race, which paid $546.40 for a $1 bet. Now most gamblers will play only $1 trifecta tickets to try to avoid the IRS, which requires a gambler to sign for any payoff over $600. Leaf, however, played a $3 trifecta ticket, which meant a payoff of $1,639.20. But when he was asked to sign for the payoff, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune, Leaf became upset and said: “Do you know who I am?”

All together now: “The biggest stiff in NFL history.”

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TODAY’S LAST word comes from a chat with Judd Swarzman at the Battle at Bighorn:

“My aunt, Doris Swarzman, for whatever reason, just loves your column and she’s a Dodger, fan, too. She’s 94, has never been married and...”

How about if I fix her up with a Grocery Store Bagger I know?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected].