EITHER WAY, MR. IRSAY ISN’T GETTING HIS MONEY’S WORTH

Denver at Indianapolis, 10 a.m. Jim Mora read the news the other day, oh boy: Veteran coach, having the run of a vastly talented offense that plays in a dome, fails year after year to reach the Super Bowl and at 5-10 with one game to go is forced to resign. Uh-oh. Dennis Green is only the first domino to fall, Mora knows, and this, at last, could be the end of the line. Asked by the Indianapolis Star what he thought about his coach’s predicament, Colt defensive end Ellis Johnson said, “Mr. Irsay don’t pay us for thinking around here. He pays us to win football games.” Yeah, go tell that to Mora.

The line: Indianapolis by 2.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU’RE COUNTING TODAY’S GAME

Dallas at Detroit, 10 a.m. Did you hear the one about the Lions being the best team in the NFC? Here goes: The Lions beat the Vikings, who beat the Packers, who beat the Bears (twice) and the Bears beat the Buccaneers (twice) and the Buccaneers beat the Rams, who have the conference’s best record at 13-2. And that, we swear, is absolutely the last Detroit Lions joke of the season.

The line: Dallas by 3.

THE FUTURE WAS THEN

Arizona at Washington, 10 a.m. “I don’t see me being, like, the future here,” Redskin receiver Michael Westbrook told the Washington Post this week. “If I had to look into a crystal ball--I can’t tell the future--but I don’t see me being here.” Neither do the Redskins, who wish they had that crystal ball back in 1995, before they burned the fourth draft pick on Westbrook.

The line: Washington by 31/2.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE

Green Bay at New York Giants, 10 a.m. In two of his last three games, Ahman Green has netted 11 and 31 rushing yards, suggesting the Packer back is either running on fumes or opposing defenses are stacking against the run. Green Bay Coach Mike Sherman argues the latter: “If you want to stop the run, you can stop the run.” Unless, apparently, you play for Green Bay, which has yielded consecutive 100-yard rushing performances to Jamel White, Skip Hicks and Michael Bennett.

The line: Green Bay by 3.

ANOTHER WAY TO KEEP WARM: BURNING BRIDGES

Jacksonville at Chicago, 10 a.m., Channel 2. Jaguar kicker Mike Hollis missed a 42-yard field-goal attempt in last week’s loss to the Chiefs, and didn’t much like hearing his coach, Tom Coughlin, grouse to the media about it. So Hollis, a free agent to be, gathered some reporters around to say, “I’ve never told you guys my take on this organization and Tom Coughlin himself. ... It’s hard to come here and enjoy your job when you’re getting fined for wearing your overcoat too long or foolish things.” But on your way out the door, your coat can be however long you want.

The line: Chicago by 51/2.

STILL NOT ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS

Cleveland at Pittsburgh, 10 a.m. Behind the blocking-sled jaw and the crazed eyeballs, Steeler Coach Bill Cowher is a sensitive artiste, with feelings that are easily bruised when a colleague, such as Cleveland’s Butch Davis, refuses to use his first name when discussing Cowher with reporters. “We’ll find out Sunday what Cowher’s going to do,” Davis told the Akron Beacon Journal, which Cowher interpreted as a lack of respect. Cowher: “You can tell Davis up there if he wants to worry about what we’re doing down here, he’d be best just to worry about his own football team up there.” No word yet if that offended Davis. But he’s a grown man other grownups call Butch, so probably not.

The line: Pittsburgh by 7.

A TEAM HEADING SOUTH, IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

San Francisco at New Orleans, 10 a.m., Channel 11. The Saints play the 49ers today for the last time as NFC West rivals before moving to the new NFC South next season. “It’s the end of an era,” Saint safety Sammy Knight, getting a little melodramatic, told reporters this week. “It’s going to be weird. ... I’ll miss playing the Steve Youngs, Terrell Owens, the Jeff Garcias. It was a great opportunity. I learned a lot [about] football by playing those guys.” So did the all the Saints, who mastered the technique of getting off the field after a 49er game before the New Orleans fans could successfully pelt most of them.

The line: San Francisco by 21/2.

EXCEPT THE PANTHERS PUNTED A LOT AND RETURNED A LOT OF KICKOFFS

New England at Carolina, 10 a.m. The Panthers are 1-14 and with a likely defeat today will become the first team in league history to lose 15 consecutive games in a season. Yet the Panthers wound up with three players in the Pro Bowl--tight end Wesley Walls, kick returner Steve Smith and punter Todd Sauerbrun. Asked for a reaction, Sauerbrun reacted the only way possible. “It doesn’t make any sense,” he said.

The line: New England by 61/2.

HE SHOULD REQUEST A TRADE TO CAROLINA

Cincinnati at Tennessee, 10 a.m. Meanwhile, in Cincinnati, linebacker Takeo Spikes was left off the AFC Pro Bowl roster, and left groping for reasons why. “I’m sure that some people look at it as we’re the Bengals,” Spikes said, “but mostly it’s just the wins and losses. That will never change. I hate it.” But it’s January in Cincinnati and the Bengals are 5-10, so what can you do? “Life goes on,” Spikes said, which is one way to put it.

The line: Tennessee by 51/2.

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE

Atlanta at St. Louis, 1 p.m. Meanwhile, in St. Louis, the 13-2 Rams received only five spots on the NFC Pro Bowl roster and linebacker London Fletcher, who wasn’t one of them, was predictably displeased. “It’s obvious people around the league just don’t like the Rams,” he said. “They feel they can snub us with Pro Bowl selections. But, hey, we’re still going to win the Super Bowl.”

The line: St. Louis by 141/2.

IN OTHER WORDS: PLEASE WRITE WHEN YOU FIND WORK

Buffalo at Miami, 1:15 p.m. Rob Johnson couldn’t beat out Mark Brunell in Jacksonville, kind of beat out Doug Flutie in Buffalo and now appears to ready to be run out of town by Alex Van Pelt. “We hope he’s found a permanent home here in Buffalo,” Bill General Manager Tom Donahoe said of Van Pelt, 2-2 in his last four starts. “And we’re going to do whatever we can to try to keep him here.” As for Johnson? “Obviously, for Rob to come back here, a couple things have to happen,” Donahoe said. “A: He has to want to be here. And B: Something has to be done with his contract to make it feasible for him to be here.”

The line: Miami by 61/2.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, HOLMGREN DECIDES TO BENCH HIM AGAIN

Kansas City at Seattle, 1:15 p.m. Mike Holmgren is in denial, Brian Billick is in denial, everyone who ever coached Trent Dilfer in the NFL is in denial, so John Elway decided to post this bit on the NFL’s Web site: “Ravens head coach Brian Billick might not want to admit this, but he probably wishes he had Dilfer back at quarterback this year.” Unlike Elvis Grbac or Matt Hasselbeck, Dilfer is undefeated in his last 14 starts, and if he wins again today, and the Ravens lose Monday, Billick will be at home watching Dilfer in the playoffs.

The line: Seattle by 31/2.

WHY DIDN’T THEY THINK OF THIS IN CAROLINA?

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay, 5:30 p.m. The first half of this home-and-home doubleheader is meaningless, with both teams having clinched playoff berths and a first-round encounter next week in Philadelphia. Eagle safety Damon Moore suggests that “Maybe they ought to just refund the money to all those people who have tickets and let both [teams] take the weekend off, huh?” Because, with or without fans at Raymond James Stadium, that’s precisely what the Eagles and the Buccaneers are going to do, anyway.

The line: Tampa Bay by 3.

CAN’T BLAME ANY OF THEM, REALLY

Minnesota at Baltimore, Monday, 6 p.m., Channel 7. Viking Coach Green has agreed to let the team buy out the remaining two years of his contract. Raven defensive lineman Tony Siragusa has announced his retirement. Viking wide receiver Cris Carter has announced his intentions to play elsewhere next season, possibly in Baltimore. If there’s anyone, anywhere, who still wants to play this game, will he please turn out the lights?

The line: Baltimore by 10.