Pooches Line Up for the Big Parade

Forget Salt Lake City. The real Olympics, in the minds of more than 4 million Americans, is the 126-year-old Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. It’s the Super Bowl of canine competition--the oldest continuous sporting event in America except for the Kentucky Derby. It can be seen tonight and Tuesday at 8 on the USA Network.

The show provides a glimpse into the rarefied world of dog breeding, where the egos and fortunes of owners are inextricably tied to their pets.

It’s also the ultimate reality programming, with a huge dose of humor--a slice of Americana expertly spoofed in Christopher Guest’s movie “Best in Show.”

Formally dressed handlers trot dogs with names like Sir Lancelot of Barvan or St. Margaret Magnificent of Clairdale around the ring, to be scrutinized by poker-faced judges. Though the proceedings are monitored with an iron hand, expect the unexpected.

Who can forget the short-haired German pointer who left two deposits on the carpet in 1999 as her mortified handler looked on? (The feat propelled her into the pages of Newsweek and the stand-up routines of Conan, Leno and Letterman.) Or the tiny papillon who, later that night, put one paw on the victory cup, rotated its head from side to side and soaked up the cheers of the star-studded crowd? Having snatched the top spot from 2,500 competitors, the pooch was milking the moment, clearly aware she was champ.

I plan to make the telecast the centerpiece of my night--providing Luc, my Wheaton Terrier-Standard Poodle mix, gives the OK. Overly poofed and sculpted purebreds are an acquired taste, he’s convinced--definitely overrated. He’d prefer we tune into the figure-skating competition--or, better yet, “24.”