End the Parking Meter Madness

Pull up a seat, get the children out of the room and take your blood pressure medicine.

The Hack Hotline is back.

An allegation of astounding insolence on the part of a public servant has come in over the transom, and we have conducted a thorough investigation.

Before we get to the goods, however, many readers have asked what ever happened to our last featured hack, the Robo Ranger of Griffith Park.

More than a dozen of you have told me of your own run-ins with this junior crimebuster. The trial of one poor soul who got into an altercation with Robo is set for March 4. Check this space for updates.

Now to the matter at hand.

Larry Chan, 67, got laid off from Lockheed 11 years ago and now works for Second Careers, which sent him to the L.A. Times recently on a temporary job.

On Monday, the Monterey Park man went to an art supply shop on an errand. Larry parked at Boyd and Omar in downtown L.A. and put a quarter in the meter, but the meter flashed red. Out of order.

Larry went into the store to take care of his business. Moments later, he happened to look out the window, and what did he see? You know exactly what he saw. He saw a traffic officer writing him a parking ticket.

“I went out and told her it doesn’t work,” says Larry, a soft-spoken, nonconfrontational gent.

“Demonstrate it,” the meter maid ordered Larry, who wasn’t sure why the flashing red flag wasn’t demonstration enough. But good citizen that he is, Larry reached into his pocket for another quarter, and when the meter ate it without registering any time, the traffic officer tore up the ticket.

It didn’t seem fair to Larry that he had to put the second quarter in the meter, but he counted his blessings and walked back into the store.

Less than five minutes passed. Larry looked out the window again, and what did he see? He saw yet another traffic cop writing yet another ticket.

Larry must have parked in the fattest fishing hole in all of Los Angeles, and the meter maids were taking turns bagging this poor lunker.

Larry made another mad dash out the door.

“Another officer just tore up a ticket,” he protested. “The meter is broken.”

To which this lug responded: “Demonstrate it.”

Is there an echo in downtown L.A. Are drill sergeants drumming this into young recruits at meter maid boot camp? And why does the citizen have to keep digging for coins? Can’t this cop wannabe open his eyes and have a look for himself, or maybe demonstrate it with his own quarter?

Larry reached into his pocket. Out of quarters.

Hold on, he said, scrambling back into the store to borrow one. Coin in hand, he raced back out and dropped the quarter into the slot. Once more, the meter flashed red as the planet Mars, and the traffic officer did something that signaled the apocalypse is near.

He handed Larry the ticket anyway.

Larry, it seems, did not “demonstrate it” quickly enough. The fine is $30.

What can we as citizens do in the face of such godlessness? For starters, I’m setting up a legal defense fund, and you’re welcome to contribute to it.

Free Larry, not Winona!

I went back with Larry on Wednesday and the meter was still broken. The digital window was red on one side and said Fail and Out of Order on the other.

We watched David Takeuchi, an unsuspecting copy machine repairman, pull into the space. When we told him the meter was broken, Takeuchi said:

“I better move the car then. Even if you park at one with a bag over it, and the meter says Fail, they’ll come by and give you a ticket. It’s utterly asinine,” he said, big, bold emphasis on asinine. The city wants people to do business downtown, David said, but then it does idiotic things like this.

It might be part of a plan. Mayor Jim Hahn projects a $250-million deficit, so maybe he’s going to square the books by taking it out of our hides in parking fines.

I went back Thursday and the meter was still broken. I did a quick check on Omar Street, a short block, and found no fewer than 12 more meters broken.

What kind of junk did the city buy? These digital jobs are only a few years old, and half of them are on the fritz.

And instead of calling someone to have them fixed, eager meter maids are papering the city with $30 tickets.

Any chance they’re lying in wait, filling out quotas?

The Hack Hotline rang up Rudy Carrasco, deputy chief in Parking Enforcement, and reported the incident, as well as the name of the offending hack officer.

Carrasco said officers are supposed to call in repair orders for broken meters, so either these two winners never called or the fix-it crew is in hibernation. He said Larry’s ticket will be canceled if it can be determined that the meter was broken.

Just cancel the ticket, Rudy. The meter was broken then; it’s broken now.

On the subject of quotas, Carrasco claimed there aren’t any.

Oh no?

No way, he said. There’s a “work performance standard” that’s checked periodically against historic “service” in each area, but no quota.

There’s also a “baseline review” of each officer’s output, but no quota.

Yeah, well I’ve got follicle recession, but no baldness.

Carrasco promised a prompt investigation of the ticket writer’s record and a review of Larry’s $30 citation. I’d like to believe him, but two words come to mind:

Demonstrate it.

Have you been a victim of sloth, insolence or the tragic death of common sense? Trained professionals are standing by. Contact the Hack Hotline today at [email protected].