Life in the Southern California Fast Lane Has Its Little, and Big, Mysteries

The police log of the Dana Point News listed a call from a motorist who “reported a huge thing in the left lane on Camino Del Avion.” The log entry added: “The informant could not be more specific.” No need to be more specific. That’s the best description I’ve heard yet of an SUV.

Disturbing road sights (cont.): Near the Mar Vista Recreation Center, Ira Bibbero of L.A. spotted a pedestrian signal that made him wonder if “the city is encouraging break-dancing as a form of recreation” (see photo).

In comedy, nothing succeeds like secession: Ex-Valleyite David Alan Miller flew in from Albany for a stint as guest conductor of the L.A. Philharmonic and drew some laughs at the Hollywood Bowl when he asked if the Valley was still part of L.A.

But the biggest laugh, says Valley historian Kevin Roderick (americassuburb.com), came when singer Audra McDonald told the crowd her hometown is Fresno and asked if it was still part of L.A.

Let’s get back to the first question: Colleague Cary Schneider noticed that Entertainment Weekly recently wrote about two pop stars who bought a home in the San Fernando Valley, which was described as “just outside of Los Angeles.” And closer to Fresno.

U.N. dues for Angelenos? Forget about trivia like Valley secession.

Myra Hillburg of Long Beach came upon a legal form indicating that Los Angeles has transcended mere cityhood (see accompanying).

Slow-food eateries: In his entertaining memoir, “Paris to the Moon,” author Adam Gopnik wrote of the outrage of locals when a landmark restaurant in the French capital changed hands and announced that diners would be limited to 70 minutes at a table.

The locals charged that the time limit “was--well, there was no other word for it--so American.” One Parisian related the shocking story of how “he had eaten once in Santa Monica, and the young woman slapped the bill on the table after an hour and a half.”

Gopnik “could only imagine the waitress, on the way to her tai chi or acting class, dying on the vine while a couple of Frenchmen sat polishing off a bottle and solving the world’s problems.” Maybe she had to drive all the way back to the Valley, too.

Eat your heart out, Paris: It’s not like we’re primitives here when it comes to cuisine. Denis Kurutz, for example, noticed a real estate listing for a house where people can actually dine indoors (see accompanying).

It’s enough to drive you crazy: At my son’s baseball camp, I couldn’t help but notice one spectator, a chatty little girl who was holding her hand to her ear, mimicking a cell-phone user.

No, she didn’t have her other hand on an imaginary steering wheel.

miscelLAny: I’m informed that a 3 1/2 day “animal communication workshop” will be dished out in Silver Lake next week. It’s billed as a real opportunity for you and your pets to understand each other better. Not to brag, but my cat Tiger and I already communicate brilliantly. When Tiger sneaks into the house, I tell her to get out. And she always obeys--when I follow up my order by stomping my foot on the floor a dozen times or so.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve [email protected].