Make a Resolution in Reverse--Then Come Full Circle?

There it is on Page 48--a “quick tip” in Glamour magazine’s January 2002 issue. “Make a New Year’s unresolution list of everything you won’t do this year,” it says.

An unresolution. Is this a guilt-free endorsement to change nothing come Jan. 1 or merely an excuse for the lazy? At the very least, it seems like the solution for those whose only resolution is to not make one. An intriguing concept, to be sure, but what does it mean and, more important, will it work? Depends on whom you ask. And of course, most people you ask have never heard of an unresolution, but even so, they kind of liked the idea.

To hear Glamour tell it, unresolutions are “a kinder, gentler version of the New Year’s resolution,” says executive editor Kristin van Ogtrop. They are about giving yourself permission to fail and refusing to feel bad if you do. Instead of saying, “I will quit smoking,” Van Ogtrop suggests, “I will try to stop smoking, but I’m not going to be so hard on myself if I sneak a cigarette at 10:30 at night on Jan. 7.”

John Norcross is a psychology professor at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania. He has done numerous long-term studies on New Year’s resolutions but was unfamiliar with the unresolution concept. Still, he was happy to theorize. To him, the unresolution is merely a resolution in disguise. It is about setting realistic goals and allowing imperfection: “I won’t increase my anxiety by setting artificial or immediate self-improvement goals. I dare to be imperfect.”

Mark Krueger, a Portland astrologer who used the term on his Web site (www.in2light.com) in December 2000, takes a metaphysical approach. He suggests that thinking is the enemy--that by telling yourself to do something you probably won’t do it. He prefers to rely on the unconscious and positive thinking. If you genuinely want, but don’t feel obligated, to lose weight, he says, you will attract those things to your life that will help that happen. Instead of “I should lose weight,” think, “I would like to lose weight,” then watch for people and situations to appear that will help make that happen.

Studies show that while some people do make and successfully keep New Year’s resolutions, most fail--either soon or soon thereafter.

Yet year after year, people continue to make resolutions. In fact, more people plan to make them this year than they have for the last five, according to Dr. Lee Miringoff, director of the Marist Institute for Public Opinion in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. Each October, Miringoff takes a poll on New Year’s resolutions.

In 1997, 37% of Americans said they were “very or somewhat likely” to make a resolution. In 2000, 40% were. In 2001, 44% said they are.

Resolutions are almost always about self-change, and this year is no different. According to the Marist poll, the top five resolutions are to stop smoking, lose weight, be a better person, spend less money and get a better job.

These resolutions are merely pipe dreams for most who attempt them, but psychologists say it is fairly easy to predict who will fail and who will succeed. According to Norcross, you need to contemplate the following three questions: Do you have a realistic, definable resolution? Are you realistically confident you can do it? Are you realistically confident you can maintain the behavior change?

“If you can say yes to all three, we think you should take a resolution,” Norcross says. “If not, work on preparation.”

It is common for people who have failed at their resolutions to say, “Most of them fail, so why bother?” Norcross says. “Yes, resolutions fail, but compared to what? Doing nothing?”

It is still better to try than not to try, says Norcross, who specializes in self-change. He has conducted three long-term studies of New Year’s resolutions. His most recent was a comparison of success rates between those who had resolved to change certain behaviors and those who shared an equal desire to change but did not plan to do anything about it. At the end of six months, 40% of the resolvers were successful, compared with 4% of nonresolvers.

“The idea that by doing nothing manna will spontaneously fall from heaven and your problem will be resolved ... [has an] incredibly low probability,” Norcross says.

Indeed, of the nonresolvers in his study who succeeded, most did so by accident, he says. One man, who wanted to give up smoking, was admitted to the hospital and could not smoke. Another woman, who wanted to shed a few pounds, lost weight because she suffered from anxiety as a result of her husband’s death.

Granted, these were not the best of circumstances, but they did result in the desired effect. Krueger, the astrologer, would argue these people exemplify his notion of the unresolution--a manifestation of people’s subconscious desire to change without actually trying.

Success through inaction is an alluring concept, and may be a valuable one if it helps people stop beating themselves up for failure. New Year’s resolutions contain a lot of “hidden stress”--the lowered self-esteem that results from attempting change but failing, says psychologist Ronald Nathan. Unresolutions may aid in stress reduction, he says.

“Sometimes New Year’s gets us to make a move, but sometimes we try and move too far too fast,” says Nathan, a New York psychologist who has coauthored three books on stress. “Maybe unresolving that would be good--not resolving to do anything abruptly but rather in a more loving-of-self way.”

Most people who resolve to change themselves try an average of 14 times, Nathan says. That’s how many “slip-ups” the average person must make before succeeding at self-change.

“In terms of unresolving, you may just need to acknowledge that you’re in an early stage, and it’s not time to move forward,” Nathan says. “You may just need to prepare. Say, ‘I’m not actually going to quit smoking on the first but prepare myself and pick a quit date down the line.’”

The important thing about unresolving is to keep perspective. Instead of punishing yourself when you fail, pat yourself on the back when something positive happens.

“There’s something almost draconian about New Year’s resolutions. [They’re] all about making yourself quit something or pushing yourself to do something that you really don’t want to do. They’re like a torture device almost,” says Van Ogtrop. “Unresolutions are designed to make yourself feel better about yourself, not worse.”