LAUGH LINES

Copycat Crime: “Democrats ripped [apart] Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris. . . . They called her a ruthless partisan consumed by ambition--and they want her investigated. . . . It’s a federal crime to impersonate the first lady.” (Argus Hamilton)

Playmates: Among the guests at [Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones’ recent wedding] were “Jack Nicholson and his girlfriend, Lara Flynn Boyle. . . . Lara and Catherine are friends. Apparently, they met at recess one day.” (Jay Leno)

House Cleaning: “There’s some real concern about the lack of time for [the new president and his staff] to complete the transition to the White House. . . . [They] . . . want to make sure they have enough time to thoroughly steam clean the carpets in the Oval Office.” (Paul Steinberg)

In Trouble--Again: “Robert Downey Jr. was arrested again on drug charges. . . . Downey allegedly was found with cocaine and methamphetamines at a resort in Palm Springs. Downey has recently been getting great reviews on ‘Ally McBeal.’ . . . Calista Flockhart was so upset by the news, she couldn’t eat a thing.” (Daily Scoop)

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