Rams Caught in Time Warp

The Rams’ starting quarterback is out with a broken finger, their top running back just underwent knee surgery, their defense is surrendering 31 points a game, they just released their kicker and they have lost two of their last three games.

Where exactly are we again? St Louis 2000 . . . or Anaheim ‘94?

The Rams, whose fleece lost its golden sheen somewhere between Kurt Warner’s injury and Marshall Faulk’s arthroscope, head to the Meadowlands on Sunday for a matchup of division leaders--although the condition could be temporary.

If the Rams lose on the road, as they did three weeks ago in Kansas City, and New Orleans defeats Carolina, as the Saints did four weeks ago, there will be a tie atop the NFC West standings.

The Giants, also known as the Anti-Redskins, have gone 7-2 with a bunch of players Daniel Snyder has never heard of. Their biggest name player is a rookie, 1999 Heisman Trophy winner Ron Dayne, the methodical linchpin to their no-frills offense.

The line: Rams by 2.

SUGGESTIONS BY VIKINGS DIDN’T MAKE IT PAST THE CENSORS

Green Bay (4-5) at Tampa Bay (5-4), 1:15 p.m.: Now that the Packers have unveiled the Brett Favre-to-Cris Dishman-to-Antonio Freeman’s head/shoulders/hands and get-back-on-your-feet scoring pass play, what are they going to call it? Early suggestions have included the Freeman Flip, Antonio’s Miracle, the Viking Vanquisher, the Supine Surprise, the Improbable Bobble, the Green Bay On-His-Backer, Antonio’s Lyin’, A Better Freeman Than Cathy, Boyd Dowler Never Did This, Cheez Whiz, They Won’t Have To Fine Antonio This Week and Let’s See Randy Moss Try It. The line: Buccaneers by 9.

HOWEVER, STEVE DIDN’T COME UP A YARD SHORT IN BIG ONE IN ’89

Baltimore (6-4) at Tennessee (8-1), Ch. 2, 10 a.m.: Jeff Fisher coached in the last Super Bowl, he coaches the winningest team in pro football, and yet ESPN, which has made its name and fortune by strip-mining the NFL every Sunday, cannot get his name right. “Steve Fisher” is how Dan Patrick mistakenly referred to the Titan coach last weekend. “Is Steve Fisher still coaching?” the man they don’t call Jeff wanted to know. Yes, he is, if coaching hoops at San Diego State counts. (That one is still under review.) USC fans can tell the difference: Jeff Fisher is the former Trojan who never should have gotten away. The line: Titans by 4.

CAN THEY OUTSCORE THE PHILLIES AND THE PIRATES?

Philadelphia (6-4) at Pittsburgh (5-4), 10 a.m.: The Steelers have not given up a touchdown in 20 quarters, the league’s longest streak since Pittsburgh’s Steel Curtain defense logged 22 touchdown-free consecutive quarters in 1976. History, then, is at hand; the Eagles haven’t scored more than 16 points in any of their last three games and their leading rusher is second-year quarterback Donovan McNabb, whose 377 net yards are more than twice as many as runner-up Darnell Autry’s 181. The Steelers are quarterbacked by Kordell Stewart, meaning more history is at hand. There hasn’t been a 0-0 game in the NFL since 1943. The line: Steelers by 3 1/2.

KRIS HEPPNER, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS UNEMPLOYED

New York Jets (6-3) at Indianapolis (6-3), ESPN, 5:30 p.m: As the Redskins spent their bye week looking for another kicker,the Colts officially put a price on high-grade field-goal precision: $7.75 million. That’s what the Colts will pay kicker Mike Vanderjagt over the next five years, something of a step up from the league-minimum $358,000 tender he signed before this season. Vanderjagt, who has converted 46 of his last 48 field-goal attempts, believes it is money well-spent. “Now I’m the highest-paid kicker in the league and everybody knows it,” he says. “You’re expected to kick that way, but I do it anyway.” The line: Colts by 6.

MOST WEEKS, HE CAN JUST ASSUME IT

New Orleans (6-3) at Carolina (4-5), 10 a.m.: The Saints might be in second place, but the Panthers are the only NFC West team to have beaten the Rams in two seasons. For Carolina’s Joe Nedney, whose last-minute field goal defeated the Rams last week, his 46-yard kick was a life-altering experience. “It feels good,” Nedney said, “until a 320-pound guy decides to jump on me.” Panther defensive tackle Sean Gilbert, a former Anaheim Ram, wondered what the big deal was. “Man, I don’t keep up with the tabloids,” Gilbert said. “I guess I didn’t know nobody gave us a chance.” The line: Saints by 1 1/2.

BETTER THERE THAN HERE

Arizona (3-6) at Minnesota (7-2), Ch. 11, 10 a.m.: In another election shocker, Cardinal quarterback Jake Plummer went door to door asking residents to vote yes for Proposition 302--and the measure still passed. That means Cardinals fans will soon have a new $331-million stadium, where they will be able to go and boo Plummer in state-of-the-art comfort. The line: Vikings by 13 1/2.

HALFTIME SHOW TO FEATURE GLADIATORS WITH PITCHFORKS

Atlanta (3-7) at Detroit (5-4), 10 a.m.: Starting this Sunday for the Falcons at fullback: Bob Christian. Which means, yes, of course, can’t be resisted: They’re throwing another Christian to the Lions. (Rim shot? Thank you.) In other news, the Gary Moeller era begins in Detroit, six days after Bobby Ross threw up his hands with the Lions. Falcon Coach Dan Reeves said he could “relate” to Ross’ exasperation, but won’t re-create the end game. “I want to get this thing turned around,” Reeves said, “whether it’s in six weeks or next year.” Next year currently installed as a 13 1/2-point favorite. The line: Lions by 8 1/2.

FOR THOSE JUST TUNING IN, THAT WOULD BE JIM MILLER

Chicago (2-7) at Buffalo (5-4), 10 a.m.: As if Bill Coach Wade Phillips didn’t have enough trouble refereeing the acrimonious relationship between quarterbacks Doug Flutie and Rob Johnson, owner Ralph Wilson just weighed in with his two billion cents worth. “Play the hot guy, whichever one it is, week to week,” Wilson told the Boston Globe. “Play the guy you think has the best chance to win.” (Translation: Start the old guy against Chicago.) The Bears, meanwhile, have no such problem. Coach Dick Jauron has his orders: Play the guy you think has the best chance of competing more passes to us than to them. The line: Bills by 7.

NO GAMES WITH PHILLY ‘TIL 2001. SO, THERE’S TIME TO HEAL

Cincinnati (2-7) at Dallas (3-6). 10 a.m.: There’s nothing wrong with the Cowboys that couldn’t be cured by taking the Eagles off the schedule. In their last three games against Philadelphia, the Cowboys have lost three star wide receivers: Michael Irvin, to a spinal injury and eventual retirement last December; Joey Galloway to a torn left ACL in September and Rocket Ismail to a torn right ACL last Sunday. All things considered, the Cowboys would rather be hosting Cincinnati. The line: Cowboys by 8 1/2.

HE ALSO MISSES ERIC METCALF

New England (2-7) at Cleveland (2-8), 10 a.m.: Bill Belichick returns to the scene of his most heinous crime: Running Cleveland icon Bernie Kosar out of town in 1994 to make way for Vinny Testaverde. Many Brown fans have never forgiven Belichick, who has since moved on to New England. Given a chance to do it again, Belichick would no doubt be kissing Kosar’s shoetops right now, given the choice he has to make Sunday: John Friesz or Michael Bishop. The line: Patriots by 7.

WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE FRIGHT

Seattle (3-7) at Jacksonville (3-6), 10 a.m.: College football better than pro? You will get arguments in Minnesota and Tennessee, but not Seattle, where the Washington Huskies are 8-1 and sixth in the nation--and the Seahawks are 3-7 and buffered from the AFC West basement only by the Chargers. How can you tell a Husky fan from a Seahawk supporter? As one booster explained to the Seattle Times, “There’s purple running through the Husky fans’ veins. [Seahawk fans] have alcohol running through theirs.” The line: Jaguars by 7 1/2.

CHIEFS ALSO LIKE THIS KID GARCIA

Kansas City (5-4) at San Francisco (2-8), 1 p.m.: So when did San Francisco go from home of Hall of Fame quarterbacks to farm club for Kansas City, providing the Chiefs a steady supply-line of starting pitching? First, Joe Montana. Then Steve Bono. Then Elvis Grbac, who last week became the eighth man in history to throw for more than 500 yards in an NFL game, four years after San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown called Grbac an “embarrassment to humankind.” Brown has since been removed from the 49er scouting staff. The line: Chiefs by 3 1/2.

MOSES COULD’VE TOLD THEM: THOU SHALT NOT DRAFT LEAF

Miami (7-2) at San Diego (0-9) 1 p.m.: Devolution defined: From Fouts and Marino to Fiedler and Moreno. Back in the old days, these teams used to know how to throw the football, but that was long before Dave Wannstedt brought his Black and Blue Division philosophy down from Chicago and the Chargers, seeking a miracle, also known as “a victory,” turned in desperation to a man called Moses. This time, take the Red Sea and the points. The line: Dolphins by 4 1/2.

MEMO TO RAIDERS: PRAY FOR RAIN

Oakland (8-1) at Denver (5-4), Monday night, Ch. 7, 6 p.m.: The Raiders were the 49ers last week, ringing up 49 points against Archrival A, Kansas City. Next up: Archrival A-1, Denver, where Bronco supporters turned in a remarkable impersonation of Raider fans last November and pelted Oakland players with snowballs after Denver’s 27-21 overtime victory. The Broncos say they plan to beef up security for this game, and the Ravens say they plan to send a number of scouts. Lots of good throwing arms in those Mile High bleachers. The line: Broncos by 3.

GAME OF THE WEEK

St. Louis (7-2) at New York Giants (7-2)

Sunday 1:15 p.m., Channel 11