LAUGH LINES

Star Power: “Here’s an odd story. According to British reports, Mariah Carey has such a huge entourage, she’s actually hired a guy whose only job is to hold his hand out and take her chewing gum when she’s finished chewing. Isn’t this unbelievable? It is so dumb how these Hollywood stars hire people to do these things. I was talking about that this morning with the girl who flosses my teeth.” (Jay Leno)

Action-Filled: “Pierce Brosnan announced he is in the process of becoming an American citizen. He can’t wait to vote in one of our presidential elections. . . . They have more thrills and spills than any James Bond movie he’s ever made.” (Argus Hamilton)

No Welcome Here: “A spokesperson for the program ‘Live With Regis’ says that until they find a replacement for Kathie Lee Gifford, Gifford won’t be allowed back on the show. . . . And in a related story . . . host Regis Philbin announced that finding a replacement should take about 15 to 20 years.”

(Conan O’Brien)

Quack Quack: “Lame-duck President Clinton said, ‘I’ve got another 10 weeks left to quack.’ . . . This isn’t the first time he’s been a duck. He ducked Vietnam . . . ducked questions about Monica. . . .” (Daily Scoop)

*

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.