LAUGH LINES

First Things First: “Sen. Orrin Hatch announced that he is going to drop out of the presidential race this week. But first Hatch had to tell everyone he was in the presidential race.” (Conan O’Brien)

Split Decision: “The Church of England took a step toward approving remarriage for divorced people. Surveys say 40% of marriages in England and Wales end in divorce. Of course, if you take out the royal family, it’s only 2%.” (Argus Hamilton)

Win-Win: “George Bush was declared the big winner in the Iowa Republican caucuses. . . . I haven’t seen him this happy since he passed his last urine test.” (Jay Leno)

Price Club: “A one-minute ad during the Super Bowl costs $4.4 million . . . $4.4 million and lasts only 60 seconds? Sounds like every pitcher in the Dodgers bullpen.” (Jerry Perisho)

Long Distance: “Hillary Clinton calls rumors that she and the president are going to separate ridiculous. After all, how can you separate when you’re already separated?” (Gary Greenfield)

Cheers: “A new poll of college freshmen shows that only about half say they drink beer at least occasionally. Unfortunately, the other half were so smashed they don’t remember answering the question.” (Paul Steinberg)

*

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.