. . . And a Nuke Under Every Bed

One of the enduring rumors of the early Cold War years was that the Soviet Union had smuggled suitcase-size atomic bombs into the United States, and its agents were just awaiting word from Moscow before setting them off. In one version of the story, the nuclear device had shrunk to the size of a golf ball, a possibility calculated to raise anxiety levels on many a driving range. Now, tripping down memory lane, comes Rep. Dan Burton (R-Ind.), to opine that the Soviets may have especially targeted California with hidden weapons, maybe even including--you guessed it--suitcase-size nuclear bombs.

In a Los Angeles roadshow hearing, Burton trotted out a former Soviet military intelligence agent named Stanislav Lunev, who testified that one of his jobs was to locate potential sites for weapons caches. Unfortunately, Lunev couldn’t identify a single such site, and Burton politely didn’t press him on the point. Left hovering in the air, like a pesky insect, was the implication that some of these alleged caches could contain small nukes.

A State Department official says the FBI has looked into stories about such arms stashes and has yet to find evidence that they exist. As it happens, it’s not a very bright idea to leave nuclear weapons unattended for a decade or two; they require regular maintenance and tender loving care if they’re to go bang when you want them to. Still, we extend our thanks to Rep. Burton for sharing his concerns with Californians. And please give our best to Elvis the next time you run into him.