Is Los Angeles in a No Poetry Zone?

Did you see where San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown named Lawrence Ferlinghetti poet laureate of the City by the Bay? Why hasn’t L.A. boss Richard Riordan filled that position here? Is it because no one can rhyme Los Angeles with anything? No wonder Dennis Rodman hesitates about joining the Lakers.

I’m calling on Only in L.A.’s readers to save the honor of this city and send their nominations (and poetry samples) to me. For inspiration, I give you these lines from the late Ogden Nash.

Is it true what they say about Los Angeles, that Los Angeles is erratic,

That in the sweet national symphony of common sense Los Angeles is static?

Yes, it is true. Los Angeles is not only erratic, not only erotic,

Los Angeles is crotchety, centrifugal, vertiginous, esoteric and exotic.

The poem was titled, “Don’t Shoot Los Angeles.”

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TUTU COOL: So, the Rev. Jerry Falwell thinks there’s something suspicious about the sexual orientation of the Tinky Winky TV character. Next thing you know, he’ll be raising questions about the macho performer who graces a building in Venice (see photo).

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PERISH THE THOUGHT: Dave Bedell of Claremont found a self-dueling sign (see photo) that is a piece of weird poetry in itself.

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RIP-ROARING ACTION: You know crime is down when the police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise carries the following:

* “Two men, one around 50 years old, the other 70, allegedly tried to sell some vacuum cleaners in a rude and pushy manner.”

* “There was thirdhand information of a swarm of bees in the area.”

* “There is an ongoing problem with a neighbor putting her trash can where it does not belong.” Is that as serious as violating a no-dumping sign on a dumpster.

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CANCEL THE COPY EDITING AWARD: As a newspaper writer, I’m ethically bound to report that invitations to a Society of Professional Journalists meeting misspelled “Friday” (see accompanying).

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L.A. AND WOMEN DON’T MIX? I’m still stunned over the “Best Cities for Women” survey in the Ladies Home Journal, which ranked Irvine No. 4 in the nation, Thousand Oaks No. 7 and L.A. far down the line.

Irvine, the magazine said, “scored well in fitness, discount shopping, male-to-female ratio and romance video rentals.”

The women of Thousand Oaks were termed the nation’s “most shapely, with an average weight just under 140 pounds.”

The analysis of 200 cities had a strange mix of criteria, including not only the salary gap between the sexes and the number of sexual harassment suits filed by women, but also and a “complexion-kindness index, based mostly on UV radiation levels (the worst skin scourge).” Santa Clarita (No. 11) was the highest-ranking in L.A. County, followed by Torrance (No. 30), Glendale (No. 45), Long Beach (No. 49), El Monte (No. 64) and Pasadena (No. 131).

Los Angeles was No. 154. L.A. did manage to edge out Pasadena, Texas. (160).

miscelLAny:

In the Duh! competition, Al Hix of Hollywood noticed that his new toothbrush bore the following handy hint: “Use the Fuzzy End.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles 90053.