Foul-Weather Friend Leaves Southland

First, let’s all breathe a sigh of relief at the passing of that atmospheric threat that grim TV weather forecasters warned us about all weekend. You know--Scattered Showers Linda.

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DUH! ITEM OF THE WEEK: Billie Francis of Vista called it “a home improvement product for the truly mechanically challenged (see directions). You’ll note that no tools are needed for installation. And best of all, there’s no assembly required.”

Yes, but I’m glad they included a diagram for the bathtub stopper. I can never remember whether it’s supposed to be ring up or ring down.

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NOT A DEAD ISSUE: George Wehbi of Culver City sent along a creepy store announcement with a personal declaration that “I have not expired and do not plan on doing so for a very long time!” (see sign). And how did Wehbi obtain the sign? “I asked the clerk if he had an extra one and his answer was, ‘You want to send it to What’s His Name?’ ”

That’s “Mr.” What’s His Name to you, buddy.

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L.A. CULTURAL CONTRIBUTIONS: You may have heard about the Smithsonian Institution’s plan to mount an exhibition displaying the slave-like conditions of an El Monte sweatshop that was raided in 1995.

Here are some other artistic projects that were inspired by L.A.-area events:

* “Twilight: Los Angeles, 1992,” playwright-performer Anna Deavere Smith’s one-woman, multi-character production about the L.A. riots.

* “The Predator’s Ball,” a musical choreographed by Karole Armitage that dealt with junk-bond felon Michael Milken and others caught in the financial scandals of the 1980s.

* “I Was Looking at the Ceiling and Then I Saw the Sky,” an opera by composer John Adams, poet June Jordan and director Peter Sellars about the 1994 Northridge quake.

* “Zoot Suit,” Luis Valdez’s musical about Chicano youths who were the victims of racial attacks in the 1940s.

And, if you want to go back to 1874:

* “The Life of Vasquez,” a play at the Merced Theater in the Plaza district, which capitalized on the fact that desperado Tiburcio Vasquez was then in a jail a couple of blocks away. Vasquez volunteered to play the title role but was turned down by authorities.

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MYSTERY PLATE (REVISITED): When I first asked for theories about the meaning of the license plate IMAKUPU, I was greeted with derision by several readers who said it obviously was owned by a cosmetologist or makeup artist.

So I humbly mentioned the readers’ decision, only to be bombarded with new theories from other readers. Ginger Clark and Chris Coleman say it could pertain to colonics. Robert Citroen says it could belong to a proctologist. And Dr. R. Alvin Gravelle and Dr. Alison Davis feel it might be on a urologist’s car. IMAKUPU, Davis pointed out, “could mean, ‘I make you pass urine.’ ”

I’m putting a stopper on this subject now.

miscelLAny:

Are the problems of USC’s winless football team partly due to outmoded equipment? You had to wonder during Saturday’s broadcast, watching quarterback John Fox sitting on the sideline. A long telephone cord was stretched across his body as he spoke to the coaches in the press box. What an image! Next thing you know, someone will be casting doubt on L.A.’s claim as the cellular phone capital of the U.S.

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Ol’ What’s His Name can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.