Maybe he was a visionary after all:Now...

Maybe he was a visionary after all:

Now what’s that Bob Dole was saying about the “Brooklyn” Dodgers?

HOLIDAY LEFTOVERS: Laura Garfield of Tarzana snapped a photo of a billboard that showed the sources of Santa Claus’ big tummy--and stood adjacent to one of those sources.

DUH! WARNINGS (CONT.): To our list of silly admonitions printed on products, John M. Wilson of West Hollywood contributes a shopping bag with two handles. It carries this message: “Hold Both Handles.”

YOU NAME IT, IT’S SPILLED: Just about everything has fallen on L.A. roadways over the years. Some unusual, unscheduled deposits:

* About $7,000 worth of quarters on Hollywood Freeway; motorists jumping from cars reportedly get away with about 10% of the loot (Sept. 13, 1982).

* Thousands of pounds of M & M candies on Orange Freeway in Fullerton; surprisingly, no motorists attempt to scoop up any (March 26, 1986).

* One body on Hollywood Freeway from back of coroner’s van (Nov. 28, 1989).

* Hundreds of gallons of laughing gas on Foothill Freeway; happiest rush hour ever (July 17, 1991).

* One 26-ton boat on Culver Boulevard; city crews move into action and remove it--36 hours later (Nov. 6, 1989).

* Some 14,000 pounds of salsa on Interstate 5 in San Clemente; only chips in vicinity are CHP officers (June 16, 1987).

* Forty-thousand bees on Foothill Freeway; it’s so chilly they don’t attack anyone (March 14, 1985).

* More than 1,000 jugs of wine on Golden State Freeway; crews keep motorists away (Oct. 9, 1974).

* One actress’ resume (“Hair: honey blond; Eyes: hazel blue”), on Foothill Freeway (July 19, 1990).

* Unknown number of chickens, Ventura Freeway near junction with Hollywood (late 1960s); the truck crash maroons the tribe of Freeway Chickens, of which some sightings continue.

PIRATES OF CALIFORNIA: It’s about time that Disney cleaned up the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction--a sequence showing buccaneers chasing wenches will be revised.

We look forward to more politically correct changes. Tom Sawyer Island will have to be renamed. The kid was, after all, a truant--a bad role model for children.

While we’re at it, shouldn’t Disney also give Mickey an ultimatum--marry Minnie or else! Family values. . . .

And, finally, what about Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride? It sets a disturbing example for the freeway drivers of tomorrow, doesn’t it? By the way, we noticed Disney will not change one aspect of the Caribbean ride--the pirates’ greed for riches.

miscelLAny

“So I tell my cabdriver in Belgrade that I work for the L.A. Times,” foreign correspondent Tracy Wilkinson writes us, “and he says he once lived in L.A., working for [‘Star Trek’ creator] Gene Roddenberry as a driver until Gene died ‘and they sent his body into outer space.’ ”