Who has the world’s toughest meter-maids? It...

Who has the world’s toughest meter-maids? It could be Paramount (the city, not the studio).

Last month, the Paramount Lions Club received permission from the city to install a cautionary holiday display consisting of a wrecked automobile and a “Don’t Drink and Drive” sign in a vacant lot.

A few weeks later, a reporter noticed that the battered heap had been slapped with a citation giving the owner 72 hours to remove it or face towing charges. In a classic understatement, the meter maid checked a box on the citation that said, “Apparently inoperative.”

Told of the ticket, city officials suspected it might be a joke. But a check revealed that it wasn’t.

“Apparently the officer came up from behind the car and didn’t notice the sign,” explained Deputy City Manager Pat West, adding that the warning won’t be enforced.

West pointed out that its enthusiastic traffic officers have helped Paramount develop a “strong vehicle abatement program. We’ve caused 1,000 inoperative or wrecked vehicles to be removed from the city in the last year.”

Make that 999.

L.A. wasn’t ignored in the end-of-the-year summaries of national publications:

* A People magazine poll found that the Beverly Hills cop-slapper was the choice when its readers were asked: “Which of the following celebrities--Zsa Zsa Gabor, Morton Downey Jr., Sean Penn, Joan Rivers or Donald Trump--would you least like to be trapped in an elevator with?” Mort was second.

* Esquire magazine’s “Dubious Achievements of 1989” section listed this item in its “We-Are-but-Flowers/I’ll-Have-My-Stamen-Call-Your-Stamen” category: “A club in L.A. featured poetry recitals by Judd Nelson, Robert Downey Jr. and Justine Bateman.”

* And, in its own dubious-taste poll, Newsweek magazine conferred the title of “Worst Amusement Park Ride” upon Universal Studios for “Earthquake,” its simulation of a San Francisco disaster.

Is this the ‘90s, or the free-love era of the ‘60s?

A muffler-shop sign north of the Civic Center area says:

FREE INSPECTION BRAKES SHOCK SEXHAUST

There was quite a commotion at a small Mexican restaurant on Ventura Boulevard the other night when a customer discovered that he had misplaced his keys after locking his car.

Helpful employees, as well as some customers, got down on their knees to search under the tables. Trash cans were emptied. Counter containers of two varieties of salsa were searched as a sanitary precaution. Flashlights were aimed inside the car. The hunt lasted nearly a half hour.

Finally, a valet from a nearby Greek restaurant appeared. He calmly walked to the rear of the car and pulled the keys out of the trunk lock. Always nice to have a professional around.

But back to the ‘90s. Is this really going to be the decade for social consciousness?

The Times received a call from one person complaining that, because of all those responsible revelers who avoided driving New Year’s Eve, it was impossible to catch a taxi ride home from a Malibu restaurant.