THE YEAR IN REVIEW : A Lighter Look at the Notables and Quotables : Pearls of Wisdom, Wit and Whimsy

JANUARY

So We Wanted It

to Be Ugly

Chatsworth High basketball player Rick Garrick, after his team slowed the game to a walk in a 66-41 loss to Cleveland: “We knew we were pretty much gonna lose.”

And Luckily,

None of Us Have To

Cal State Northridge volleyball player Raphael Tulino, on the players’ decision not to shave again until after a tournament: “We get up at 6 a.m. to practice. No one wants to shave at that hour.”

And We Know Why

We Didn’t Play Them

Bob Johnson, Granada Hills High basketball coach, after a 102-74 loss to Cleveland, on the 15-year lapse between games between the schools: “I didn’t mind not playing them. But now, though, at least we know something about them.”

Very Animated

Occidental College basketball reserve Tony Berlin, on the bench-warmers: “We’re called the Gumbys because we’re the biggest stiffs around.”

FEBRUARY

None, to You

Gardena High basketball Coach Bill Hughes, on the revised playoff format that will allow more teams to compete in postseason play: “I don’t think it’s a benefit. We might end up playing Cleveland High, and we already lost to them by 50 points this year. What benefit is that?”

Yeah, Until You Fumble

Russell White, former Crespi High football star, on his decision to play at Cal: “I feel like there will be a lot of love for me up there.”

Reach Out

and Mock Someone

Canyon High basketball Coach Greg Hayes, after Burroughs fans waved telephones at player Jamal Austin, who had been arrested and charged with stealing $1,200 in telephone equipment from a hardware store: “I think Jamal won the crowd over with his play. They almost felt bad for mocking him.”

Just Call Him Nick

Calabasas High basketball Coach David Hoffman, who assesses his team’s performance after each game: “I don’t go home and sit there with a razor blade, but you do have to constantly re-evaluate the team.”

MARCH

And Their Coach Is Blind

Steve Marden, baseball coach at San Fernando High, after his team participated in a bench-clearing brawl against St. Francis: “Our kids don’t fight. Our kids are well-disciplined and did not leave the bench.”

Very High School

Hart High catcher Casey Burrill: “I love the responsibility that comes with catching. That’s the real challenge, Of course, getting hit in the cup is a real high point, too.”

Whippersnappers

Herman Slater, 61, of Encino, on playing in the seniors division of the tennis competition at the Maccabiah Games: “It’s tough, especially when you have to play the 55-year-old guys.”

APRIL

And All of Them

Were Lost

Derrick Toole, CSUN hockey player: “At a few games this year we had only three spectators. Three of them! Two were together and one guy was alone.”

Oh, No, Not That!

Newbury Park High football player Wayne Cook, afraid that a broken thumb might keep him from getting a scholarship to UCLA: “I was devastated. I thought, ‘God, now I have to go to Moorpark College.’ ”

Translation: Bleep

Carla DuPuis, Cal Lutheran women’s tennis coach, on the language barrier involving doubles partners Merja Hellsten of Finland and Gunvor Hatling of Norway: “They get frustrated during a match and I think they swear in Swedish. As long as I don’t know what they’re saying, it’s OK with me.”

And My Homework, Too

Chae-Ho Chong, CSUN baseball player, explaining why he was wearing his brother’s uniform during a game: “My dog ate my shirt.”

Sorry for the Question

Simi Valley High baseball Coach Mike Scyphers: “Sorry for the cliche, but our goal was to take each game one at a time.”

MAY

You Can’t, Not on TV

Saugus High pitcher Roger Salkeld, after taping a segment with a local TV sportscaster: “I made an idiot of myself.”

That’s the Wong Attitude

Eagle Rock High’s Gerald Wong, after winning the City Section golf title by 11 strokes: “I basically knew it was over after nine holes today.”

Especially With All Those

Flat Tires

Chatsworth High baseball Coach Bob Lofrano, who supported a teachers’ strike and was a leader of a coaches’ boycott, on the possibility of assistant coach Joe Koh replacing him by crossing the picket lines: “It would strain our relationship and I would find it difficult to work with him.”

And You Only Get ONE Foul Ball

Larry Young of Camarillo, a Navy fighter pilot and father of Rio Mesa High baseball player Dmitri Young: “I see a direct correlation between flying and batting. Landing on a ship, you must give 120% of your attention to putting the plane exactly where you want it to be.”

And Then He Chose to Run

50 Laps Around the Field

Simi Valley High baseball Coach Mike Scyphers, tersely explaining why scheduled starting pitcher Mike Jenkins was benched after a behavior problem during a practice: “Jenkins chose not to start.”

Well, You’re Supposed to Be Fast

Track and football star Russell White of Crespi High, explaining that he would pass up an important meet because it was scheduled to begin shortly after the school’s graduation ceremony: “If I left right after graduation I might be able to make it for the 200 meters. But I’d really be pushing it.”

Let’s Do Infield

O.J. Simpson, on Hollywood agent and Encino Little League supporter Jack Gilardi: “He’s not your average Hollywood agent. He’s almost like a camp counselor.”

JUNE

And You Don’t Need Boots

Ben Mintz, a member of the Van Nuys-based Sierra Pacific Flyfishers: “It’s not easy to actually go fly fishing when you live here, so the next best thing is talking about it.”

The Caddy Will See You Now

Bob Gibbons of Northridge, on the crowded conditions of local golf courses, especially on Wednesdays: “That’s doctors’ and dentists’ day. The golf course is a good place to go if you’re sick or have a toothache, but a lousy place if you want to play golf.”

Oh Canada, My Domed

and Naked Land . . .

Scott Ehrlich of Studio City, who lied and bluffed his way onto the Dodger Stadium grass to sing the national anthem and botched it badly in front of 41,000 fans, on his next goal: “I want to sing “Oh Canada” at the Stanley Cup finals.”

FFFFFFFORE!

Golf pro Jon Fielder of Camarillo, on playing in the U.S. Open: “Golfers like to talk about how they never get nervous, but let me tell you, I was nervous. Luckily, I played with two very young guys, and they were even more nervous than me.”

This Guy’s Missing a Lug Nut

Richard DeLong Sr. of Castaic, admitting that he intentionally rammed the stock car of fellow driver Chuck Pittenger of Northridge, leaving Pittenger in the intensive care unit of a hospital: “Oh, I took him out. I just wanted to give him back what he gave me. I figured if I can’t finish the race, then neither is he.”

You Look Like a Fat Guy

I Used to Know

American Legion baseball coach Jody Breeden, who lost 80 pounds in seven months, commenting that no one recognizes him anymore, including some veteran umpires: “I kept waving and they just stood there. I kept thinking, ‘What’s wrong with these guys?’ ”

I Like Them Because They Stink

Pitcher Rich Aude of Chatsworth, after signing a contract with the Pittsburgh Pirates: “I think I have a good chance to move up because they don’t have a lot of talent.”

JULY

Today, You Hit The Brakes and I’ll Steer

Woodland Hills West American Legion Coach Gary Gibson, on son Lance Gibson and Lance’s teammate, Dan Carroll: “They used to drive to school together. They’re pretty good friends.”

Only You Can Prevent

Bike Accidents

Sycamore Canyon park ranger Brit Horn, on some of the problems in the congested park: “We’ve had a problem with bicycles. There have been accidents and lawsuits with bikes running into and over people in the hills.”

And Then I Woke Up

Bob Samuelson, former CSUN volleyball star, on life as a member of the U. S. national volleyball team: “I almost feel like a rock star. We played the Soviets in Detroit and after the match there were hundreds of people outside the arena, girls screaming and everyone going nuts.”

Sure, Just Don’t Hit The Condos

Chip Werner of Westlake, before his first regatta at the Westlake Yacht Club: “After they race, then are we allowed to just sail around?”

Next We’ll Build a Fire

Pitcher Doug Simons, formerly of Calabasas, after the United Parcel Service lost most of his family’s belongings during a move to Orlando (Fla.) of the Southern League: “We keep thinking, ‘This is the day our stuff is gonna’ come’. We finally went out and bought a pan.”

Because They Can Afford to Eat

Wayne Bryan, co-owner of the Cabrillo Racquet Club in Camarillo, on the exercise benefits of tennis compared to baseball: “There are a lot of fat baseball players.”

Moo!!!

Warner Center Club tennis pro Doug Doss, before a match against the Cabrillo Racquet Club: “We’re going to slime them. They’ve got new courts, but it doesn’t matter if we play on cow dung, we’ll beat them.”

Doss’ team lost the match.

And the Closest to My House

Cyclist John Harvey of Chatsworth, on the Encino Velodrome: “This is my favorite track in the country.”

AUGUST

Get Off the Boat?

Roy Disney, vice chairman of the Walt Disney Co. and a veteran sailor, on his first L.A.-to-Hawaii race: “At one point, we were as far from land as you can possibly be on this planet. Part of me said it’s great to keep on going and another part said ‘Get off this boat.’ ”

She Does Now

Myron Newman of Sherman Oaks, talking about his hobby of hang-gliding: “My wife doesn’t know I’m doing this.”

I Think

Tom Mankey, 60, a member of the Burbank Bluebirds seniors softball team: “With me, my arm was the first thing to go, and that was five years ago. Check that. My mind was the first thing to go, and that was 10 years ago!”

Fore!!!

Mel Berger of Tarzana, on the craziness of golf: “I’ve played golf for 35 years. I shoot in the mid-70s. And every time I draw my club back, I honestly feel like I have no idea of what’s going to happen next.”

Don’t Get Down on Yourself

Richard Gallien of Canoga Park, on the pressure of coaching tennis at Pepperdine: “I always admire coaches who say they don’t take the job home with them. I take it to my pillow with me.”

Then He Passed Out

Woodland Hills Legion outfielder Jason Cohen, on an incident involving a stranger before a game in the Legion World Series: “He came up to me and said, ‘I just want you to know that God told me yesterday that you will win the world championship.’ ”

SEPTEMBER

We’re Number . . . Oops

Dennis Gossard, an assistant football coach at Pasadena City College, after his team fumbled 10 times in one game: “We led the world, not just college football, in fumbles that game.”

Who Does?

Kelly Mandel of Arleta, wife of stock car driver Mike Mandel, after she went into labor during a race: “I didn’t plan on going into labor at Saugus Speedway.”

He’s Like a Really Fast Son to Me

Moorpark College football Coach Jim Bittner, after Freddie Bradley returned a kickoff 93 yards for a touchdown against East L.A.: “I really like that guy. And when he returned that kickoff for a touchdown, I liked him a lot more.”

Hippo-Crits!

African big-game hunter Kathy Christian of West Hills: “I see women wearing animal-skin shoes, and they criticize hunting. I see women wearing seal coats and beaver-skin coats, and they criticize hunting.”

So There’s Really No Need for a Newspaper

Todd Thornton, editor of the Pierce College school newspaper, on the students’ feelings about school athletics: “I think most of the students really don’t give a damn. There’s little sense of Pierce being a campus community.”

Keep Up the Good Work

Daved Benefield, CSUN linebacker who led the team in tackles and interceptions: “I’m normally lost out on the field. Everyone says, ‘Daved, why are you lost?’ Sometimes it’s like I’m losing my mind. During practice, I’m lost. And during games I don’t know where I’m going sometimes.”

But We Huddled Well

Taft High football Coach Tom Stevenson, after a 26-8 loss to Los Angeles: “They whipped us bad. They beat us in every facet of the game and it was a total team breakdown on our part.”

OCTOBER

You’ll Look Nice When They Find You

Rock climber Ed Bannister of Chatsworth, on the changing nature of the so-called sport: “Fashion is more important than ever in rock-climbing.”

Try Lighter Girls

Cal Lutheran linebacker Scott Schultz, who dropped from 200 to 180 pounds at the advice of agents representing him in a modeling career: “It didn’t help me pick up girls.”

Maybe If He Had Used a Bull Whip . . .

Palmdale High football Coach Kent Bothwell, after one of his players knocked a referee to the ground and then continued to attack him: “I think we were at fault in the act--that Darius Wilson attacked an official. And I in no way condone what Darius Wilson did. But the game should not have been stopped.”

One Too Many Bops on the Head

Longtime heavyweight fighter and now boxing trainer Jerry Quarry, on his latest discovery, middleweight Jim Tunney: “Jim is ready for a big career. He has all the skills and all the power that he’ll need.”

Three nights later, Tunney was knocked senseless in the third round of his professional debut.

That Will Work

Don Muse, a state boxing official, after watching Tijuana boxer Margarito Ruiz quit during the first round of a bout at the Country Club: “We’ll hold onto his purse. We’ll give him bus fare back to Tijuana and ask him not to come back again.”

NOVEMBER

Where the Deer And The Antelope Are Dead . . .

Moorpark College defensive back Mack Humphrey, on the No. 1 topic of discussion at the University of Montana, where he briefly played football: “Anything that moved, these guys hunted it. During the hunting season, that’s all you’d ever hear. All day long it’s ‘Elk this and elk that.’ ”

Neither Did Lester

Hart High football Coach Mike Herrington, after former Raider Lester Hayes addressed his team at halftime of a game against Schurr: “They were impressed, but half the kids didn’t know what he was saying.”

A Knight Game

Cleveland High football Coach Steve Landress, voicing his displeasure at the four-play per team tiebreaker format: “It’s not football, but I guess it’s better than flipping a coin. Why not just play chess?”

And That Could Take Time

Cleveland High basketball Coach Marc Paez: “In terms of talent, we’re OK. Experience is where we need the work.”

DECEMBER

Oh, and Charity Work Is Nice, Too

Moorpark College linebacker Tom Briggs, on big hits: “I’m just trying to annihilate the quarterback. That’s the best feeling, when you blindside a quarterback and watch his eyes roll back.”

If Not, Shooting Marbles Certainly Can

Will Hertzberg of Studio City, who collects baseball cards for a living: “Baseball cards can take over your life.”

Except for Country and Western Singers

El Camino Real High fullback Jamal Anderson: “I don’t know how you tackle me. People bounce off my legs and people bounce off the top of me. A lot of people grab me and try to rip me down. No one person can really bring me down.”

And I’ll Be on Vacation Before He Gets Back

Cal Lutheran President Jerry Miller, in a faxed announcement to a newspaper announcing the firing of longtime football Coach Bob Shoup, who was out of town visiting a sick friend: “This is in the best interests of the university.”

But at Least It’s Really Slow

North Hollywood High girls’ basketball Coach Rich Allen, comparing the skills of one of his players, Jacinda Sweet, to the competition: “Most girls’ basketball players make it a federal project to get the ball across midcourt.”

Bark as Big as Their Bite

Montclair Prep basketball co-Coach Howard Abrams, after watching 260-pound Donovan Roy and 300-pound Todd Bowser play in an alumni game: “It looked like a big tree covering a bigger tree.”