Brian Kamenetzky: Celebrate the red, white and blue, doing what they do
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The 44-10 record this season. Forty-four playoff appearances and nine NBA titles since moving to LA. The Hall of Famers. The glitz. The glamor. Really, it’s selfish the way the Lakers suck up all the available pro hoops oxygen in town (certainly I’m guilty) just because they, you know, seem to win all the time and always have really awesome players. That doesn’t mean the city’s other half should be ignored, right? I realize that in their near four decades of existence, the Clippers have been a living, breathing violation of natural law (at least as it pertains to basketball) and an embodiment of Murphy’s, where things don’t just go wrong, but do so regularly and spectacularly.
But even with all the losing, sub-.250 winning percentages, the fired coaches and parade of useless lottery picks, the 2008-09 season has been a monumental failure. Meaning in the roundball Bizarro World in which they live, the Los Angeles Clippers are having a truly outstanding year, filled with the type of futility made science by their history. The most recent examples would be the 282 points surrendered this week in back-to-back games against the Suns, but it comes to full commitment to Clipperness, the red, white and blue have been on point since the curtain fell on the ‘07-’08 edition.
A partial list of that which wrecked the train, in (relatively close to) chronological order:
- Baron Davis signs with LA. Sure, he’s never been a ‘Mike Dunleavy’ type guy, preferring to play in a structure-free offense where questionable shots are nurtured like baby birds and only showing an interest in defense when prodded. That the Clippers could get any high profile free agent to sign was quite a coup, right? Especially when combined with the return of Elton Br... uh oh.
- Elton Brand defects. Did EB and David Falk sabotage the team? Dunleavy thinks so, and will show you the text messages to prove it! That Brand is done for the year in Philly and doesn’t seem to fit there anyway is merely karmic payback for many Clippers fans. Losing him was a still huge blow with consequences that will weigh down this and future rosters like Zooropa and Pop do U2’s discography. Except U2 has redeemed themselves many times over. Can’t say the same about the Clippers. To be continued...
- Jason Williams retires. Not a serious blow to the squad, but it’s kind of embarrassing when a free-agent signee quits before suiting up for a practice, though it does save the time of having to ask why they signed him in the first place.
- Elgin Baylor leaves. Any other general manager would have been fired a decade or so ago, or resigned because the team didn’t equip him with the necessary tools to win. But the Clips and Baylor stood by each other for 20-plus years, and his departure was handled with all the elegance of a Real Housewives episode. To be continued...
- Davis and Marcus Camby miss training camp. The Clippers started the season with nine new players, and injuries meant they didn’t get a chance to work together before the real games started. Pickup squads at the local Y have more cohesion. No surprise the team starts 1-9.
- Enter Z-Bo. Again, Mike Dunleavy the GM picks up a guy who in a billion trillion gazillion years won’t mesh with Mike Dunleavy the coach. I could do it myself, but Zach Randolph’s limitations are too eloquently expressed here by ClipperBlog host Kevin Arnovitz:
At no point during his career has Randolph given the impression he considers much of anything outside that small space around the low right block. Within the confines of the post area — stretching out toward the perimeter — and the ball in his hands, Randolph is a stinking genius. Get him outside his little fiefdom, and he’s Zach Randolph –- an oblivious lug who can’t be bothered defensively, can’t create a shot for any teammate, and detracts from any semblance of his team’s class or collective character. Fortunately, this Clippers team at this moment in the organization’s history has little class or character to lose. Randolph will always be able to carry the scoring load on a bad team, but that’s the extent of his function in the NBA.Sounds like he was made to play in this little corner of L.A. If you’re keeping score, the Clippers have replaced Brand for two more seasons of Randolph after this one at just over $16.5 million a year. Awesome.
- Down goes Kaman! A bum foot put put him on the shelf at the end of November. Originally, the colorful pivot was expected to miss 1-2 weeks. He hasn’t played since. Very deja vu. To be continued...
- Elgin sues! Probably not the LAC’s fault -- this process will almost undoubtedly be as, and likely more, embarrassing for Baylor than the team -- but the Clippers can’t even get a guy to retire without creating drama.
- Nobody wants our stuff! Davis is shooting 35% from the floor, 28% from three-point range, and 15.1 points a night represents his lowest output since the ‘00-’01 season. And, go figure, apparently he and Dunleavy don’t really see eye-to-eye on ... anything. MD Sr. even panned Baron’s new movie***. The fit is so awkward that Davis’ name appeared in a host of trade rumors before the deadline, but oddly enough nobody seems to want a near 30-year-old point guard with a spotty injury history signed through the end of the ’13 campaign. You’d think in this economy teams would be totally into that sort of thing. Oh, and it seems like the Clips are having trouble moving Kaman, signed through ‘12, as well. No problem. Dunleavy says the Clippers have one of the league’s best frontcourts when everyone is healthy. He wasn’t specific about when that would happen.
- Randolph punches Louis Amundson, suspended two games. To be fair, Randolph had that day learned some horrible news about his father, but it’s still not a positive development.
Which brings us to the aforementioned 282 points surrendered in two games, and a 13-42 record. To paraphrase the manager in Bull Durham, how the hell did they ever win 13? No need to answer. They’re unlikely to win too many more. For like Manny being Manny or the scorpion that stings the frog, the Clippers are merely performing the role they were apparently placed on the earth to play.
And God bless ‘em, they’re doing it well.
***Didn’t actually happen, but you get the point.