A haven for pets’ survivors

Geri Bumpass enjoyed taking her well-behaved Golden Retriever mix, Mickey, on walks, but last year the 18-year-old dog struggled with each step and suffered from other ailments associated with aging.

After consulting with her veterinarian about end-of-life care for her dog, Bumpass was faced with putting him to sleep. He died in her lap, wrapped in a blanket.

“He was just a really cool friend,” Bumpass said. “I didn’t realize how much I talked to him.”

The 75-year-old resident of Orange went into mourning for the pet who had become her close companion after her husband died in 2008.

To help her cope after her husband’s death, Bumpass had joined a grief support group at Fairhaven Memorial Park and Mortuary in Santa Ana. She attended meetings and talked about her loss.

So when she learned that Fairhaven was starting a monthly support group for people who lost pets, Bumpass was interested. She understands the importance of sharing sadness in a supportive environment.

“The grieving process is never over,” Bumpass said. “Sometimes I feel I can share some information with other people and help them out, because I know how it feels.”

*

All creatures great and small

The pet-loss support group is being offered on a trial basis. It will meet once a month for three months, beginning Tuesday. It is free and open to the community.

The counseling services developed after Marla Noel, president of Fairhaven, lost her 16-year-old Weimaraner, Greta, in 2006.

“Working here, I felt like I couldn’t tell somebody because it’s not a human being,” Noel said. “It just didn’t feel appropriate, but it still hurts to think of her.”

So she and Ruth Velez, a grief recovery specialist at Fairhaven, worked on creating a supportive forum for fellow pet owners to express their pain. The group will discuss grieving over the loss of a pet versus the loss of a person, reactions and emotions to pet loss and support for grieving.

The two created fliers and placed them in local community rooms and animal hospitals and throughout the mortuary offices. Their goal, they said, has been to reach out to people who have trouble connecting with others who don’t understand the pain and minimize the grief.

Fairhaven obtained certification from the Assn. for Pet Loss and Bereavement, an organization that offers formal training in addressing the emotional aspects of attachment and loss.

The group isn’t exclusive to dog and cat owners. It is open to owners of all pets, including rabbits, horses and reptiles.

Velez said the group will meet in the mortuary’s informal church gallery, and light refreshments will be served. The bigger the group, the better, she said, since more will be shared.

Noel said she and staff encourage people to help each other because friendships have been formed at support group meetings.

“We try to tell people not to just use us, but to go to other helpful networks as well,” she said. “We’re like a base that can help broaden their resources.”

People should not minimize their feelings or feel defensive or guilty about grieving over an animal, Noel and Velez said.

Support groups like the one at Fairhaven have sprung up at veterinary hospitals and animal shelters, validating people’s feelings and fulfilling a need, they said.

*

‘I’m not the only person’

Andrea Keith, owner of Irvine-based Time 4 Therapy, whose area of expertise includes counseling over the loss of a pet, said that when her pet died, in the mid-1990s before she began her practice, not everyone was sympathetic.

She said she called five different therapists seeking emotional support.

“Each one told me, ‘I don’t know what to tell you,’” Keith said. “I ended up feeling like I was crazy, like I was the only person who had this connection with my pet.”

In 2004, Keith began researching pet loss but only found information at veterinary colleges. A year later, she began offering counseling for bereaved pet owners.

“Since providing this service, I’ve learned I’m not the only person who is this attached to a pet,” she said. “From my end, that’s been validating.”

Vivianne Villanueva, owner of Peaceful Paws, a pet cremation and memorial service based in Lake Elsinore, agreed that the loss of an animal can be devastating.

“The pet represents a family member,” Villanueva said. “It’s because they’re always there, giving that unconditional love.”

The main reason behind the sadness is that pet owners often relied on their animals for emotional well-being, Villanueva said. She said her clients tell her of the bond they shared with the animal.

A breast cancer survivor said her dog was the one thing that got her through the darkest days of her life. One client said the pet helped get the person through a divorce.

A woman received a puppy as a gift from her fiancé, before he died in a car accident. When the dog had to be put down years later, the woman said she felt like the death was the final thread to her fiancé.

As part of the healing process, Peaceful Paws offers commemoration items including custom urns and jewelry stamped with a pet’s paw or nose print.

One client asked the organization for a cremation diamond made out of the pet’s ashes. The creation was made to look like a mined diamond though it was made from carbon.

“I always encourage people not to judge,” Villanueva said. “Grief is grief, whether it’s a human or a pet.”

*

IF YOU GO

What: Pet Loss Grief Support Group

When: 6 p.m. Aug. 18, Sept. 15 and Oct. 20

Where: Fairhaven Memorial Park and Mortuary, 1702 Fairhaven Ave., Santa Ana

Cost: Free

Information: (714) 633-1442 or fairhavenmemorial.com.