Hansen: Deep-fried OC Fair culture can be hard to stomach

There are a lot of legendary things at the OC Fair — no, literally.

Nearly every food booth claims to be legendary or world famous or something similar, like “legendairy.”

We accept the camp and hyperbole because we accept what the fair has become: just the wrong amount of right.

The wacky food has gone corporate, as if there’s a marketing algorithm for culinary perversion. The grosser it sounds, the bigger the billboard.

Chocolate-covered pork rinds. Deep-fried SlimFast bars. Fried bacon pickles. Fried pretty much anything.

People eat it but young kids don’t, usually. They still prefer ice cream — simple, pure and unadulterated.

They sit in Radio Flyers and eat it with their legs crossed, immune to the circus around them.

The fair is still for kids and maybe a few grown-up kids, the ones who still go on spinning rides, believing they’re fun. Instead, they get that look by the first or second spin: grim and thin-lipped. When they wobble off, they’re ashen, trying hard to smile.

Regardless of age, the fair always resembles Orange County but through a distorting mirror. Our flaws and gifts are accentuated in unpredictable ways. If it’s earthy grit we want, there’s plenty of it, and if we only see rainbows, there’s plenty of that too.

Angels mingle with Dodgers. Skinheads mingle with man buns. Everyone mingles with the beer tent.

Wherever you look, there are fashion time warps. Heavy-set grandpas with golf hats, farmer tans and white Reeboks. Black, ironic T-shirts, facial tattoos, political slogans, brand boosters, yoga pants, muscle shirts and purposeful cleavage.

It’s very much chicken and waffles. Yes, you can eat that too.

You can get a headache if you think about it too much, or if you walk too fast. Zones of musical cacophony overlap. Each clang and rattle bleeds into the next, creating a thumping din of noise.

One wonders if the sound suddenly stopped, what would people do? Would they talk to each other? Would they compare notes on whether the fried Twinkies were better than the cheesy bacon bombs?

Meanwhile, there is a real fair going on.

Despite our attempts to butcher questionable meat every way imaginable, there’s real meat, real cows, lining up for our approval.

Over in the livestock area, the Future Farmers of America (FFA) have honest-to-goodness competitions. It wasn’t too long ago that county fairs were actual destinations and the main attraction for farm kids from Anaheim, Irvine or Westminster. Now, it’s more like La Habra, Sunny Hills and Yorba Linda, but the goal is the same.

Hundreds of local 4-H and FFA youths showcase their livestock in various divisions, culminating in the annual junior livestock auction on July 25.

These youngsters work for months to get their livestock ready for the fair. And in the market category, that means ready for eating.

The teen contestants have to wear inexplicably hot uniforms — ties, corduroy jackets and white denim pants. Again, that would be white pants around dirty, cranky cows weighing more than 1,500 pounds.

Like a strange reality show, the fair is full of these backstories.

We can watch real music bands or fake bands: the real Pat Benatar or Dead Man’s Party, an Oingo Boingo tribute.

The Offspring or Black Eyed Tease.

Deep Purple or Iron Maidens, the only all-female tribute for the original group.

Somehow, all things are possible at the OC Fair, celebrating its 125th year. More than 1.3 million people will pick and choose their reality.

Most of these people will be women, who outnumber men 55% to 45%, according to fair officials.

Perhaps it’s because the fair remains a joy especially for young people. With an average age of 33, fairgoers are moms with young kids who want what they want when they want it.

Which means a corpulent generation enamored with deep-fried birthday cakes, Dippin’ Dots and Frosted Flake chicken fingers.

After this year’s finger-licking extravaganza, is it time, however, to return the fair to its roots? Maybe more educational and less monster truck?

Some may argue that the horse is out of the barn. The fair is simply meeting our insatiable demands, and like the artist caricature booth, we exaggerate ourselves for humorous effect.

But in 1906, the OC Fair celebrated the completion of the Pacific Electric Railway from Los Angeles to Santa Ana with floats and interesting products on display. This year, we have plastic train rides.

In 1922, the automobile was a featured exhibit. This year we have a major sponsor selling new trucks — but in a nod to context, they threw hay bales in the back.

In 1969, there was a scale model of Apollo 11. This year we’re more likely to get double-fried moon pies with caviar on top.

But hey, it’s a party, so let’s pile it on, have some fun and save the hangover for tomorrow.

DAVID HANSEN is a writer and Laguna Beach resident. He can be reached at [email protected].