Commentary: I am ready to order a statement sweatshirt. Guess what’ll say?

I get more catalogs than anyone. I would bet money on it.

When I was recently gone for six days, there were four inches of catalogs amid the accumulated mail. Add to that, one inch of assorted big, postcard-type advertising offers from mortuaries, Realtors, restaurants, retirement financiers, travel companies and service vendors.

Along with those were multiple envelopes from political candidates (from other states) of whom I’d never heard, charitable organizations and non-profits — all requesting big contributions. There were a couple bills that made the sorting worthwhile, but basically, it was 40 pounds of wasted paper, thrown away without a second glance.

I wonder what percentage of junk mail actually gets a positive response.

I am in favor of mailing gifts, special-occasion cards, Christmas cards, thank-you notes and personal, handwritten messages. Occasionally, I send a letter of complaint to the president of a company who has given me especially bad service. I do not want the Post Office to go out of business!

But all this unsolicited waste? It could make an environmentalist turn green.

About those letters regarding bad service. I am beginning to compose one to the CEO of an appliance company.

About a month ago, I received an alarming letter from the company that makes my brand of dishwasher. It was a “recall notice” warning me against using my dishwasher until a defective power cord could be replaced — or the unit could burst into flames.

I quickly called the 800 number! I was astounded to learn that they couldn’t come to replace the cord for three weeks. Wow, that seemed like a long time. Today was the day the service guy was due to arrive.

First thing this morning, I got a call from cheery Ashley saying that the repairman couldn’t come today. The company had run out of replacement cords because FedEx’s delivery had let them down.

Wait a minute, Ashley. The company has likely known for at least a month that there would be a big demand for replacement power cords! Seems to me the company would have a good idea of how many cords would be needed.

Seems to me the cords would have been ordered, even before the letter went out. Seems to me there is something wrong with the upper echelon, and poor Ashley is getting the rant from the customers. She was a champ of a self-composer, and I got an appointment a week later.

Daughter Cheryl has been waiting nearly as long for a part for her ice maker, and yesterday that service also was postponed.

I’ve been waiting for an escrow to close, and it too was just postponed for two weeks.

Are the planets in some funky misalignment?

The only company that kept its promise was my cable service supplier. I like my cable company. They replied very satisfactorily to a letter I previously sent their CEO after Lee died, and they had given me a hard time about changing the billing into my name.

When the serviceman had replaced my cable box (having wiped away all the wonderful old movie favorites I had recorded over the years), he asked if there was anything else he could do for me.

Hmm. “Do you mean that?” I asked him.

“Yes, sure,” he replied.

“Well, could you carry this waste basket filled with catalogs and junk mail out to my recyclables trash can? It is honestly so heavy, I cannot carry it myself.”

He carried the waste basket, and I carried his service equipment bag.

I did keep one catalog. You can order sweat shirts from it with made-to-order statements on them. I wear a lot of sweat shirts — comfort in myriad of colors. Not many of them have statements.

One says, “I plan to live forever. So far, so good.”

Most are plain or have Balboa or Newport Beach stamps or a reference to some place I visited.

But I have an idea for a special-order statement. A navy blue sweatshirt, I think, with “What is wrong with everybody?” in white letters across the front.

LIZ SWIERTZ NEWMAN lives in Corona del Mar.