A Word, Please: Regular pronouns often a better choice than ‘myself’ and ‘yourself’

Dave in Elkland, Pa., wrote to me recently about pronouns ending in “self” — myself, yourself and so on — and how annoying they can be at times. “‘Myself,’ in particular, drives me near distraction,” he wrote.

A lot of people agree, and there are several ways that “myself” and similar forms rub people the wrong way. Perhaps the most common, for obvious reasons, is when “myself” is used as an intensifier: “I, myself, parked in the garage.”

How is that different from saying “I parked in the garage”? It isn’t, really. Except it gives the speaker two more syllables with which to talk about himself.

This usage serves a purpose, of course, or it wouldn’t exist. That extra emphasis is worth it anytime you need to clearly distinguish one person’s acts from another’s. Still, you can’t blame listeners who find this annoying, especially when used too frequently.

But the other way “myself” peeves people is more controversial.

“Myself” is what’s called a reflexive pronoun, a small group that includes “himself,” “herself,” “yourself” and so on.

From a syntactical standpoint, the job of a reflexive pronoun is to “co-refer” to a subject. That is, it’s the object of a reflexive verb, which is a verb that points back to its own subject: “We hired ourselves.” “You sabotaged yourself.” “He sees himself.” “I know myself.”

In all these sentences, the action of the verb is squarely aimed at its own subject. People are doing things to themselves.

For the record, reflexive pronouns can serve not just as direct objects but as indirect objects and complements of copular verbs too: “She sent herself a letter.” “He gave himself a raise.” “Just be yourself.”

After a reflexive verb, a reflexive pronoun is clearly better than an object pronoun or a subject pronoun: “We hired us.” “You sabotaged you.” “He sees him.” “I know me.” “We hired we.” “He sees he.” “I know I.”

Obviously, reflexive pronouns are better in these sentences. But in a sentence in which an object or subject pronoun could do the job, reflexives are controversial: “Talk to Mary or myself.” “Andy, Laura and myself continued to eat.” “There’s a reason we hire people such as yourself.”

In many cases reflexive pronouns are poor substitutes for the more grammatical choice: regular pronouns. “Talk to Mary or me.” “Andy, Laura and I continued to eat.”

For that reason, anytime a reflexive pronoun stands in for an object pronoun or subject pronoun, it bothers some people. Still, these uses aren’t wrong, exactly.

“Critics have frowned on these uses since about the turn of the century, probably unaware that they serve a definite purpose,” notes Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. “Users themselves are as unaware as the critics — they simply follow their instincts. These uses are standard.”

I have a theory that the reason people get annoyed with reflexives pinch-hitting for object or subject pronouns is that the users are trying to hide their grammar ignorance. A lot of people don’t know that “Talk to Mary or me” is grammatical. But they don’t think “Talk to Mary or I” sounds right either. So they pick something they suspect is more proper.

Ditto that for “We hire people such as yourself.” The most direct and grammatical alternative would be “We hire people like you.” But a lot of people fear that “like” is either wrong or too informal here. So they pick “such as,” which sounds bad followed by “you,” leaving them little option other than “yourself.”

If you want to sound like you know your stuff, never use “myself” or any other reflexive where a simple “me” or “I” would do. But if you’re not too worried about it, you can take Merriam-Webster’s words to heart.

JUNE CASAGRANDE is the author of “The Best Punctuation Book, Period.” She can be reached at [email protected].