Commentary: A misunderstanding between strangers

“What’s wrong with you, lady?”

I am considering the possibility that I have a major character flaw, and I have no idea what to do about it.

I was with four friends at Laguna Beach’s Pageant of the Masters.

We hadn’t seen each other since the previous year, and that was a glorious high.

Two other “highs” were in effect: I had just published a piece in the Daily Pilot, and I had just published a book. So I was in a very happy mood.

After a lovely dinner at Tivoli Gardens, we were on our way to the amphitheater when I was distracted by the smell of popcorn. Ah, popcorn, outdoors, happy crowds. It all seemed to go together.

Two of us each bought a box. We settled into our seats, chattering, sharing popcorn, and basking in the joy to be had of a starry evening among good friends, beautiful artwork and a companionable crowd.

Then came the moment when the popcorn is finished — except for what’s stuck in your teeth. Well, these are my friends, I figured.

I looked in my purse for the plastic toothpicks I carry for popcorn issues in darkened theaters and passed the container. Everyone took one.

Lois, sitting next to me, soon asked where the empty popcorn box was so she could dispose of her toothpick. It wasn’t under my seat, and it wasn’t under Lois’ seat either.

I looked at the stranger to my right.

“Did you take my empty popcorn box?” I asked.

He was a nice-looking guy, probably in his early 30s.

“No, I didn’t take your box,” he said, curtly.

The gray-haired woman he was with showed me her half-filled box of popcorn.

“I don’t have it either,” she said, in a friendly manner.

I turned to my friends and said I thought the fellow had hidden the box. Of course I was kidding, but the fellow was annoyed.

“What is wrong with you?” he asked.

Gee. I’d thought I was engaging them in some fun silliness.

I said, “Your mother seemed to understand our problem.”

He made a noise between a snarl and a snort.

“She is not my mother! You’re being offensive, and I’m going to call security.”

I swear to you, I thought he was joining in the fun.

“Uh, I don’t seem to have a number on my seat,” I said. “Tell security I am next to the guy in seat 7.”

Lois nudged me. “I don’t think he’s kidding with you,” she whispered.

I jerked around.

“You mean someone would actually call security because I said he had hidden my empty popcorn box?”

Lois shrugged, and I pulled in like a roly-poly.

It’s amazing how fast you can come down from a high.

I’d began to contemplate what was wrong with me just as the show began.

At the intermission, Serious Guy and his not-mother moved into empty seats a row up and closer to the aisle. My friends and I giggled about it, but I didn’t want for them to be angry and I considered apologizing. Then I noticed two women who were in the row behind us.

“Too bad they moved,” one of them said. “We had been enjoying the drama.”

“Didn’t he know I was kidding around with him?” I asked.

“No. And we didn’t think you were being offensive.”

“We would have been witnesses on your behalf with security,” the other woman said.

“That’s a relief,” I said.

“The guy was just hoity-toity,” said the first woman.

Clearly, that’s not OK.

“Well, believe me,” I said. “I am neither hoity nor toity.”

Her companion said, “We thought maybe you were toity, but definitely not hoity.”

“She’s really not even toity,” Lois said.

All of us shared a warm, strangers-enjoying-strangers laugh, not at the expense of the other pair, just in the gaiety of the evening.

When the wonderful program was over, I thought I’d make amends with the first couple. I leaned in to speak to the woman.

“Excuse me,” I said.

“What is wrong with you, lady?” she shouted.

I jumped back.

Maybe something is wrong with me. Yet the women said nothing was wrong with me. Strangers, all.

It’s hard to tell when the same things are funny to some people and yet “call security” not funny to others.

I tend to look for a message in new experiences, and I found two.

The first is a twist on what Abe Lincoln said. You can fool around with some of the people all of the time. But some people just cannot take a joke. Something like that.

The other came from Facebook.

“If someone treats you badly, remember that there’s something wrong with them, not you.”

Yes, and maybe some compassion is in order.

LIZ SWIERTZ NEWMAN lives in Corona del Mar.