CITY LIGHTS:

The following are my thoughts on the Academy Awards. Yes, I know we’re a community paper, and this is usually a community column. But because people watch the Oscars everywhere, I figured I could get away with it. Plus, Sandra Bullock lives in Sunset Beach, so there’s your local connection.

There are two shows that never fail to entertain me, no matter how excessive and full of politics they are: presidential elections and the Academy Awards. Now, there’s a legitimate reason to follow elections; they determine the future of our country. The Oscars determine nothing except industry politics and, hopefully, added ticket sales for the movies that win the top prizes. Who could fall for such a ridiculous fashion show?

Well, I could. And there’s nothing more fun than picking apart the Oscar telecast the morning after — what worked, what didn’t, who showed unexpected class and who failed to keep egos in check. So, in roughly chronological order, here are my notes on the show:

1. Probably the clumsiest Oscar opening in recent memory. First, the Best Actor and Actress nominees walk out onstage and just stand there, grinning, while an announcer reads their names. Then comes Neil Patrick Harris’ Broadway-style song-and-dance number, which contains a jaw-dropping joke about prisoners dropping soap in the shower. Things can only improve from here.

2. And they do. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin seem relaxed and amiable in their opening bit, and though a few of the jokes miss (what was that about Meryl Streep and Hitler memorabilia?), the batting average is pretty high.

3. Christoph Waltz, in reciting a metaphor-laden speech comparing Quentin Tarantino to a great explorer, seems to want not only the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, but the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry.

4. The greatest sleight-of-hand of the night is making the short film categories, which honor films 99.9% of the audience has never seen and never will, interesting by showing clips of former winners who went on to make acclaimed feature films.

5. Is there a contractual reason the Oscars keep showing clip montages, especially when they have no relation to the rest of the program? A few years ago, Lauren Bacall introduced a series of classic film noir clips, even though no film noirs had been nominated that night. This year, likewise, we have a tribute to horror films stuck seemingly at random in the middle of the show.

6. In a night of inexplicable moments, Sean Penn takes the cake with his head-scratcher of a speech before presenting Best Actress.

7. I couldn’t be prouder of Kathryn Bigelow winning Best Director, even though they patronize her by playing “I Am Woman” as she leaves the stage. As for “The Hurt Locker” beating “Avatar” for Best Picture, I was about to call that the biggest David-and-Goliath victory in the history of the award. But that honor still goes to 1977, when “Star Wars” fell to “Annie Hall.”

City Editor MICHAEL MILLER can be reached at (714) 966-4617 or at [email protected] .