COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:

A new year. A fresh start. Inspiring, uplifting, green lights and blue skies as far as the eye can see. OK, maybe not.

Either way, it is time for the traditional review of new laws in California, which never fail to entertain. As always, Sacramento is here to help. How we would get along without them, I do not know. Protecting young people from themselves remains popular with lawmakers from the far north.

A 2008 law says that foods with trans fats have to be out of school cafeterias and vending machines by 2009. Do you understand what trans fats are? I don’t. I still haven’t figured out saturated fat versus unsaturated fat, other than having a depressing amount of it, but I guess trans fat is really bad.

Another law puts more restrictions on teenagers using tanning booths, which clearly is one of the major problems of our time. Wake up, America. Forget global warming and Al-Qaeda — we’re talking about teens in tanning booths here, people.

Let’s get to a new law that you might actually care about. As of July 1, if you’re going to use your cellphone while driving your motorcar, you’ll need a hands-free device, as in an earplug or a speakerphone. No more holding the little thing to your ear with one hand and gesturing with your other hand while you’re doing 83 on the 73.

Minors will not be able to use cellphones or other PDA’s at all behind the wheel, hands-free, hands-on, hands-off, hands-down, forget it. Hit that little green button, and you’re busted. The hands-free issue is interesting to me though.

It’s a good example of how it takes people a while to figure out a new technology, especially lawmakers. Requiring a hands-free device or phone might sound reasonable, but it’s a case of too little, too late.

When cellphones first exploded on the scene, people immediately began to stress about holding a phone in one hand and driving with the other, the idea being that it was awkward and risky, like driving with one hand and holding a hot cup of coffee in the other.

Having an earphone or a speakerphone would be much safer, we all thought, except a boatload of research has shown that it’s not.

Believe me, I’m not criticizing. I am the worst offender and seldom not on the phone when I’m driving, to say nothing of checking for messages every 10.4 seconds. It’s pathetic. Study after study has shown that talking on the phone behind the wheel “hijacks” a huge portion of your conscious mind and puts your driving on auto-pilot, only with much slower reaction times.

Be honest. We’ve all done it. You’re heading south on the 405, plan to get off at Bake Parkway, but you’re talking up a storm on the cell.

Just about the time you say, “Bub-bye, you’re the best, have a nice day, etc,” you regain consciousness and realize that you’re in San Clemente. You have no idea how you got there or what happened to Bake Parkway or anything else along the way. You sigh or use offensive language, depending on your mood, then get off at the next exit and head back.

Another new law gives students who boot the California High School Exit Exam an additional two years of help from their school districts to pass it. That’s how it starts you know — you flunk the high school exit exam today, you’re in the tanning booth tomorrow, reeking of trans fat.

Also effective immediately, the minimum wage in the Golden State went up 50 cents to $8 an hour, versus $7.50 an hour, which is excellent news for someone like me who has no actual skills. That ties us with Massachusetts as having the second highest minimum wage in this great nation. The state of Washington weighs in at $8.07 an hour. I guess being first was important to them.

But if I had to pick just one new California law, this one is my favorite, no question: It is now illegal for an employer to require an employee to have a Radio Frequency Identification Device, called an RFID, implanted under their skin.

I’m sorry, but if this is a problem, I missed it. Do you know anyone who has a Radio Frequency Identification Device implanted under their skin?

What I really need to know is exactly how does this work? When they say “welcome aboard” and send you to HR to fill out your W-4, do they tell you to stick out your tongue or just sneak up behind you and give it to you like a booster shot? If you know, please contact me at your earliest convenience.

There you have it. Everything you need to know about trans fats, RFID implants and where the Coppertone baby went wrong. Do the best you can, more next year. It’s the law. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected].