COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:Weather can get much worse

It rained Friday. Woo woo. We got a very impressive half an inch of rain, and as usual, it was a big major deal — two days of Storm Watch beforehand, hourly reports as the half an inch headed south from San Francisco, then Santa Barbara, then Ventura, then all the follow-up stories that night that said, “It rained today, half an inch.”

Maybe it’s because I’m not from here, but I will never figure out why we get so knotted up about the weather, which is about as wimpy as weather can get and still be called weather.

Is this the best weather in the world? Most people think so.

But it did get me to thinking, which is never good: If we have the best weather in the world, who has the worst weather in the world?

Depends.

You want rain? I’ll give you rain. Go to Cherrapunji, India. (I have no idea where it is either. Try Google Earth.) How wet does it get in Cherrapunji? Really wet.

The fact that our average annual rainfall is 12 to 13 inches does not impress the average Cherrapunjiite. They get about 508 inches, which unless my math fails me, comes to about 42 feet of rain a year. You can run those sprinklers about once a decade in Cherrapunji and still have a really nice lawn. Two hundred straight days of rain is not unusual, and their record year was 916 inches, which is 76 feet of rain in one year, which is a lot. Wedding planners in Cherrapunji do not recommend an outdoor ceremony.

If Cherrapunji is the wettest place, what is the driest?

The driest place on earth is the Atacama Desert in Chile. You know how we are totally stressed because we’ve only had about 2 inches of rain this year instead of our normal 12 inches? That does not impress the Atacamadians.

The Atacama Desert gets a measurable rainfall about once every 100 years, and there are areas where it’s believed no rain has fallen for centuries. I would call that a drought. Not a lot of problems with mold though.

The hottest place on earth? This one’s a toss-up.

One of them is close, Death Valley, and the other not so much — the Danakil Depression in Ethiopia, which is called a depression because it’s 328 feet below sea level, which is deep. The highest recorded temperature in the Danakil Depression was 145 degrees Fahrenheit, but not to worry, it’s a dry heat. Everyone loves picnics, but they go really fast in the Danakil Depression — and do not under any circumstances bring anything with mayonnaise. Death Valley is way cooler, with a record high temperature of 134 degrees and average summer temperatures of about 125 degrees, which is why Danakil Depression kids always have to wear a jacket when they go there. “Aw, mom, do I have to?” “Yes, hon. It’s only going to be in the 120s today. Put it on.”

The coldest place on earth? If your name isn’t Antarctica, no need to apply.

Antarctica is the most inhospitable place in the world, which may explain why it is the only continent that has never been inhabited by man or woman or kids even. Lots of penguins, a few explorers and scientists now and then, but that’s about it. Running out of ice is never a problem though.

How much ice is in Antarctica? Ninety percent of all the ice on earth, which is very cool. The lowest recorded temperature? One hundred twenty-nine degrees below zero, which, admittedly, is a little brisk. Add to that six months of daylight and six months of near total darkness, with frequent hurricane-force winds of about 200 mph, and you can see why no one has ever lived there except the penguins, who would be out of there like a shot if they could figure out how to move faster.

Finally, you don’t have to go to Antarctica to find truly miserable weather. New Hampshire will do just fine, normally a very hospitable place with one notable exception called Mt. Washington, which proudly bills itself as the Home of the World’s Worst Weather. On a clear day, the view from Mt. Washington, which is the highest peak east of the Mississippi, is spectacular — a panorama of four states, Canada, eh, and the Atlantic, which is an ocean.

Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of clear days. Mt. Washington has some of the most violent weather on earth, with raging blizzards, torrential downpours, hailstorms that can strike any time of year, and lightning and thunderstorms that will make you deeply religious even if you were an atheist when you started up the mountain. And the piece de resistance: some of the highest winds on earth, with the highest ever being a 231 mph breeze recorded in April 1934. It is very hard to stand up in a wind of 100 mph, almost impossible at 125 mph, and a wind of 175 mph will remove the roof from your house faster than you can say yikes, all of which makes 231 mph a very impressive number. Talk about a bad hair day.

I think that’s it. Our weather and theirs, the best and the worst. Glad to see everyone survived the half an inch on Friday. Don’t complain to the people in Cherrapunji about it — they will laugh at you. And if you’re going to Death Valley, don’t forget your jacket.

I gotta go.