FAIR GAME:Simply irreplaceable

A couple of years out of college, many moons ago, I surprised the wife, or wife No. 1 as she is referred to today, with a dog.

A golden retriever, to be exact.

Burgess was his name, oh. B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, Burgess was his name, oh.

I always hated that song.

Anyway, dogs didn’t come any better than Burgess. He was lovable, loyal and never talked back. I wish wife No. 1 would have been as trainable.

I know, guys. It’s a wish we all have. How come they can train us but we can’t train them?

But why digress?

In any case, we loved old Burgess. Took him camping, hiking, swimming and such. He lived a long life approaching 14 years old.

At the end, I truly felt he would never be able to be replaced.

But along the way we found Megan. Megan, too, was a golden retriever.

But Megan was different.

We first read about Megs in the newspaper, a 4-month-old dog in need of two new hips. You see, she suffered terribly from hip dysplasia and could barely walk at her young age.

Wife No. 1, daughter and I visited the local pound, where Megan was residing, with only one plan in mind. Donate money toward the new hips and leave. Just the three of us.

Upon arriving at the pound, the manager there suckered me into removing the dog from her pen and helping her by walking or, in her case, simply dragging her around the adjacent parking lot.

It was obvious that they didn’t have to worry about her running away.

Anyway, when you have a cute little golden, even if it can’t walk, and a 9- or 10-year-old daughter, they fall in love with each other quickly.

So at my daughter’s bequest and with lots of convincing, we loaded Megs into the car and headed on down the road, had two new hips put into her and had instant pet.

She was a great dog and lived a long, healthy life of nearly 13 years.

At her passing, I fully believed that she would never be able to be replaced.

But one day, the daughter, at this point around 12 or 13, came home and said her friend had just gotten a golden retriever puppy from around the corner.

“They’re so cute,” she said.

Ashley pleaded and begged for a new puppy.

“I promise I’ll walk her everyday, Daddy! I’ll even clean up after her,” she vowed. “You won’t have to do anything.”

The daughter won, as daughters always do, and we purchased Vera.

Guess who got clean-up duty?

However, Vera became the most lovable dog ever created. She loves anyone and everyone that will pet her or give her any type of attention. She loves to play ball. She has become, over 10 years, about the best dog a family could own.

And when we stacked up Vera against all of the others, we, too, realize that she has become irreplaceable.

But I have to tell you: After three dogs, dating all the way back to 1978, with lots of bags of dog food, too many vet bills to remember and, quite frankly, lots and lots of — how should I say this — dog poop (That’s right, dog poop!), I know I’d be crazy to ever buy another dog.

Well, I became officially crazy on Aug. 20 on a family outing to the Phoenix area.

Lo and behold, we, we as in wife No. 2 and each of our daughters, came across this cute little puppy, a golden retriever, of course. Sophie, as we’ve named her.

The two dogs are getting along well, and the new one has adjusted to her new large yard with lots of chew options. Plants, shoes or anything else valuable.

The wife still talks back, but fortunately they don’t, and Sophie hasn’t even been trained yet. And life is about as normal as it’s going to get anytime soon.

For me, life is about working during the day and cleaning up after dogs at night. It’s a life I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Anyone, that is, until I look at Sophie’s cute little face and realize that she, too, will become irreplaceable. It’s only a matter of time.

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