Theaters awash in laundered money

Unbeknownst to me, for the last two years my wife, Patti Jo, has been secretly saving the cash found in our washer and dryer. She recently came into the kitchen with a dry, clean, puffed-out roll of green bills that came to a grand total of $273.

We believe most of it represents our daughter Katie’s leftover lunch money and small bills from my right-hand pants pocket, but it could, I suppose, be from a completely mysterious source. We haven’t ruled out magic, and we’re not letting go of the washer and dryer.

Patti Jo is what used to be called “deep”: For two full years, she put this money aside, never mentioned it, and then, instead of taking it out and augmenting her wardrobe, she told us about it.