Fathering a heavenly ideal

MICHELE MARR

The same day I heard Russell Crowe had been arrested for throwing a

phone at a New York City hotel concierge, I came across a quote in

the monthly health newsletter my husband’s employer Boeing sends to

us.

“The really scary thing about heredity and environment is that you

get both from your parents.”

In Crowe’s case, I’m not sure if heredity and environment put

together are quite enough to explain the actor’s familiar petulant

behavior.

He attributed this recent episode to the frustration of “being a

husband and father away from home” according to The Associated Press.

It caused him to suffer, Crowe told David Letterman on his late-night

talk show, “a level of abject loneliness [he is] not used to at all.”

Not a petty thing this.

He was, by his own account, trying to satisfy his “basic

obligations” to his wife who he says needs to know he “is at home ...

in bed” and that he hasn’t “had too much to drink and, primely

important, that [he is] alone.” A gallant cause to be sure.

The traveling men I know who fulfill their “basic obligations” to

their wives (and children) while away from home by being in their

hotel, in bed, alone and without having had too much to drink, don’t

have to phone home to tell their wives on a daily basis -- much less

throw an uncooperative phone in the face of a hotel employee. (Can’t

Crowe afford a cell phone with international capability?)

Many traveling men are fathers, too, who also miss their children.

Of course, when Danielle Spencer heard what her husband and the

father of her 18-month-old son had done, she was quick to point this

out. Crowe says she told him, “That’s not much of an excuse because

millions of dads have to travel.”

Listen to your mum, little Charles Crowe, and watch out for your

daddy’s example. He seems to have trouble managing much more than his

infamous temper. I don’t think we’ll be seeing him in remakes of

“Father Knows Best” anytime soon.

A number of years ago I heard psychologist Paul Meier, of

Minrith-Meier Clinic renown, talk about Psalm 103 as a description of

the perfect father, the heavenly Father, and also as a prototype for

earthly fathers.

To condense and paraphrase the psalm, it describes some of the

heavenly Father’s traits this way: He forgives our sins. He heals our

diseases. He saves our life. He gives us good things. In his presence

we are always young.

He is righteous and just, merciful and gracious. He does not anger

easily. He doesn’t constantly nag and scold. He doesn’t hold grudges

or punish us as much as our wrongdoings deserve.

He knows us inside out, all our weakness, and he treats us with

compassion. His love is always with us.

It’s a prototype, though, from which even the best of human

fathers are bound to fall short because, as the Psalm also conveys,

unlike God, man is essentially fragile, made of dust. He’s in the

process of being perfected by God’s love, yet still far from perfect.

Which is why this Sunday, on Father’s Day, dozens of sermons will

be preached on just how tough and stressful and important and

rewarding being a father can be.

How does a father manage the biblical advice of Ephesians 6:4,

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in

the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Pat Cottrell, pastor of Calvary Baptist Church and the father of

six boys and five girls, will tell you it’s not going to be without

tripping up now and again. The question for him is “then what?”

He urges fathers at his church not to “beat themselves up” over

their mistakes, to keep on learning and to realize that “failure can

be the greatest classroom.” He recommends a 224-page book by John C.

Maxwell titled “Failing Forward: How to Make the Most of Your

Mistakes.” The point is to move forward, trying not to repeat your

mistakes.

Nearly 100 years ago, Mrs. John B. Dodd, born Sonora Smart, the

daughter of Civil War veteran William Smart, realized the immense

task her father had had raising six children as a single parent after

his wife died in childbirth. Father’s Day, first celebrated on June

19, 1909, was initially her way of recognizing his remarkable

selflessness and strength.

Russell Crowe’s got the tough-guy strength to pull off a

convincing “Cinderella Man,” but my guess is he’s got a bit of

failing forward to do before he musters the form of fatherly strength

Sonora Dodd grew to be so grateful for -- the kind of strength, I

have a hunch, Danielle Spencer would like very much for her toddler

Charles.

* MICHELE MARR is a freelance writer from Huntington Beach. She

can be reached at [email protected].