Spurring oneself on to spark more debate

JUNE CASAGRANDE

Dear Resolutions Fairy,

This year, I’ve been very bad. (No. Not me. I’ve been an angel.

This is just my suggested verbiage for certain other people who will

not be named here.)

I’ve committed terrible atrocities against the language, for which

I am sincerely repentant. Therefore, I vow as of Jan. 1, 2005, to

turn over a new leaf regarding several of my most egregious faults.

First, I will rise above most newspaper headline writers in this

country by stopping to think about the words I use instead of just

parroting exhausted cliches. When I’m tempted to write that something

“sparked” debate, I will remember that there are many other lovely

words and expressions to choose from: inspire, stir, instigate,

arouse, rouse, create, ignite, cause, set off. Ditto for “fuels”

controversy and, one from Friday’s Los Angeles Times, “spurs” change.

I will lay to rest these very, very tired figures of speech. I will

find the button marked “Thesaurus” on my word-processing software and

click it every time I am tempted to fall back into these bad habits.

Second, I will stop making “everyday” one word when it should be

two. Here and now, I will make a mental note of the fact that the

one-word version is an adjective, correctly used only when it

modifies a noun as in the case, “Check out our everyday low prices.”

I know that when I invert such a sentence, “We have low prices every

day,” this is no longer acting as an adjective, and therefore two

words are needed.

Third, no matter how many advertising circulars I see announcing,

“No payments ‘til March,” or, “Open ‘til midnight,” I will remember

that the shortened version of until is “till” -- two Ls, no

apostrophe.

Fourth, I will stop using the word “I” in instances such as,

“Thank you so much for inviting Bubba and I to your party.” I

acknowledge that this is a ridiculous mistake to make and that my

confusion by this construction is absurd. I would never say, “Thank

you for inviting I to your party.” Therefore, it makes no sense that

the rule would change just because Bubba is thrown into the mix. The

word “I” is a subject of a verb; the word “me” is an object.

Whenever “I” am one of the subjects performing the action in a

sentence, such as “Bubba and I would love to come,” I will remember

this subject form. Whenever I am the object of a verb, I will

remember to use the object pronoun “me.” “Thank you for inviting

Bubba and me.”

Further, I will take a moment to consider how this same simple

rule applies to other commonly misunderstood situations. Weird as it

may sound, it is correct to say, “Bubba and he will be at the party,”

not, “Bubba and him will be at the party.” As I now know, “him” is

reserved for instances in which Bubba and this mysterious male are

objects. “I’m looking forward to seeing Bubba and him” is correct,

whether or not I like it.

I acknowledge that, though I have been intimidated in the past

every time a second person is introduced in these types of sentences,

this is truly an easy-to-understand rule. I will not allow insecurity

to undermine the rock-solid understanding of subjects and objects

that I exhibit every time I say things like, “Come with me to the

mall,” or, “Of course I will come to the mall.” I possess an innate

understanding of the difference between subject and object pronouns

that no army of Bubbas can take away from me.

And finally, the most important resolution of all: I will continue

to read “The Business of Language” no matter how snooty the tone and

no matter how repetitive the subject matter.

I understand that June does this for my own good, not because she

was cranky or too short on time during the holidays to do any

original research.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

[email protected].