If only I had the words to explain ...

CHERRIL DOTY

For words, like Nature, half reveal

And half conceal the Soul within.

-- Alfred Lord Tennyson

There is a consistency in all things that is ripe with

possibility. This means that things that don’t go together can go

together and then the whole will be consistent. This syllogistic

thinking actually creates possibilities.

As my thoughts this morning turn to possibility, they are also

filled with the by-product “if onlys.” If only I had the words I

could indubitably (I love the feel of this word in my mouth) tell you

of the world through my eyes. If only I had the words then I could

describe, through all of the senses, a personal experience of the

world and even my longing for the ever-elusive more.

If only words could let you share in the morning’s first conscious

sound -- that of the lone jay in the canyon -- that wakened the

chorus of small birds in the trees. It was like magic. First there

was the silence of night and of sleep and then, in an instant, nature

vibrated with life.

As the sunlight seeped over the eastern hills, what words could

allow you to share in the awe I felt as the orb weaver’s web just

outside my window shimmered in all its perfection. I marveled at the

light, intricate symmetrical design -- a thing of wonder and beauty,

a triumph of engineering. If only the prisms of rainbow light cast by

the morning sun through beveled glass could be captured and rendered

fresh and heart-filling upon the page.

On this day in late autumn, I would tell you of the glorious

luminosity of a morning walk here -- somewhere between heaven and

earth. The colors and light change in an instant in subtle and

scintillating patterns and tones that fill me with both joy and

sorrow. What a strange paradox this is -- to both hold and lose the

moment at once. If only I could hold on to it longer.

If only I could describe to you in detail the designs that my

fingers trace in the air of the swirls of clouds, of the imagined

texture and gentle grace I see there. If only through words your skin

could feel the gentle, cool breeze and the warmth of the skin on the

back of my neck. If only this could be done without seeming stilted

or pleonastic or babbling. I wonder. If only.

If only you could soar low over the water with the armada of brown

pelicans off Crescent Bay as my mind longs to do. The air rushes past

and there is a moment of pure focus as one breaks ranks, rises in the

air, and totally without grace or care plummets to the surface of the

sea in a dive for fish prey. To be able to describe that, to live it

for just that brief moment ... what bliss!

If only I could share with you my delight at seeing -- and almost

feeling -- the passage of a trio of dolphins as they swim in their

rhythmic rise and fall through the sea. Their gentle traveling pace

sets up a flowing cadence that suits some deep yearning in me for

peaceful passage through life.

So many “if onlys.” I’ve just scratched the surface. Yet, I come

to this Thanksgiving season filled with gratitude for all that IS,

for the blessings I have. I am grateful for the continued joys and

mysteries of life, even as I wish for “if onlys” of no more war,

celebration of diversity, no famine or disease, lightened burdens. If

I could, I would share the joy and the passion for living this life

with all those who feel “without.” If only I could. And perhaps that

is the only consistency here -- the creation of possibility that I,

in fact, could.

* CHERRIL DOTY is a creative living coach, writer, artist, and

walker who lives and works in Laguna Beach. To schedule a coaching

session or comment, contact her by e-mail at [email protected] or

by phone at (949) 251-3993.