They are only friends we have not met

CHASING DOWN THE MUSE

“You never know till you try to reach them how accessible men are;

but you must approach each man by the right door.”

-- HENRY WARD BEECHER

Laguna Beach is an unfriendly place? Just kidding ... right?

When I read the column in a recent issue of this newspaper stating

that Laguna might be an unfriendly place, the hackles raised up on

the back of my neck. OK. I was in a fighting mood now. How could

anyone say this? The Laguna Beach I know is warm and friendly.

Obviously, some buttons had been pushed.

So I stepped back for a second look. How was what had been said

“true”? I turned some of the thoughts presented over and over in my

head. Were there too many cars? Of course. Were there too many people

on cell phones? Probably. But I felt I was missing something here.

What was it?

Sure, Skipper is a gem. I can still feel the warm hug he gave me

just before the holidays and the sweet light of joy on his face as he

said, “Merry Christmas and have a home-run day.” Surely, there are

more friendly people than just Skipper in this wonderful, unique

town.

I thought of my friend Catharine and one of her photo- graphic art

works. The image is of a road sign --”Laguna Beach” -- and the text

reads, “Get out of your car.” My mind screeched to a halt. Of course!

Get out of your car!

The car isolates us. The cell phone is then how we “connect.” We

need to get out of our cars and connect -- one to one, person to

person.

A hundred years ago, there were only 8,000 cars in the U.S. There

were phones in only 8% of the homes, and a three-minute call from

Denver to New York City cost $11. California was only the 21st most

populous state in the Union. But were people friendlier?

Things have changed in the past 100 years. A lot of changes have

occurred in the 35 years I’ve lived in Laguna Beach. There are more

of us. There are more cars. There are more tourists. There is just a

lot more going on. I still cannot accept that people are less

friendly. We just need to slow it down, to get out of our cars and

walk. This is healthy. This can be friendly. One just has to start.

If it’s friendliness you want, be friendly. It’s real simple. Right?

I decided to test my theory. Parking in front of the post office,

I set off on a sunny afternoon on foot. I would smile, make eye

contact, and just say “Hello.” In other words, be friendly and people

will be friendly right back. I’d prove to the doubters that Laguna

Beach is friendly.

WRONG!

I walked up and down the streets for 30 minutes or more. My tally

at the end of this was one smile in return, one “Hi” in response,

lots of eyes shifted away and general discomfort, it seemed, with my

“boldness.”

Befuddled, I thought back over my many previous walks around

Laguna. I was sure people had been friendly then. What was going on?

Was this just a fluke? Was I looking too closely at the whole issue?

Was it that I was seeking a particular result?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. I still believe in my

theory. I still think we can slow down, get out of the cars and

connect with each other -- be friendlier. This experience did serve

to make me even more grateful for the friendliness I do encounter

daily here in Laguna.

So thank you to George and Sharon and the Coreys and Norm and Jan

and Pat and Mary Ann and all of you whose names I don’t know. Your

smiles, waves, words of greeting and hugs make my days.

Here’s to continued friendliness from all of us! And James -- I

waved at you the other day, but I guess you didn’t see me.

* CHERRIL DOTY is a creative living coach, writer, artist, and

walker who lives and works in Laguna Beach. Contact her by e-mail at

[email protected] or by phone at (949) 251-3883. Your thoughts and

questions are appreciated.