Comments & Curiosities -- Peter Buffa

Edward Elgar is back. Not really, mostly because he died in 1934. But

he comes back to visit every year at this time because Edward Elgar is

the man who wrote “Pomp and Circumstance.” Does that matter? Of course

not.

But at graduation time I try to do something special for all the boys

and girls and parents who have worked so hard to get the little paper

tube with the red ribbon on it. Fifty-one weeks of the year, my goal is

to bring you information that is trivial, off-center, somewhat offensive

and, of course, of no use to anyone. Don’t thank me. It’s my job.

But on the 52nd week, I try to give all the graduates out there

knowledge that is both uncalled for and utterly useless, not unlike

algebra. If all those wonderful young people are brave enough to step on

stage in a wizard robe and a square hat with a yellow air freshener

dangling from it, then darn it, it’s the least I can do. Shall we?

How did “Pomp and Circumstance” become the official graduation song

across the land? It all started at Yale in 1905. British composer Elgar

-- that’s Sir Edward Elgar to you, thank you -- was a big deal, superstar

in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. He composed a boatload of

music, but is best remembered for his ceremonial works: processions,

fanfares, etc. It’s all very formal and stuffy to our ears, but then, so

were the people back then.

Sir Eddie had an American pal named Samuel Sanford who was a professor

of music at Yale. It’s a shame he didn’t teach at Stanford. Then he’d be

Professor Sanford from Stanford. OK, forget that.

In 1905, Samuel arranged for Sir Edward to receive an honorary

doctorate from Yale. At the commencement ceremony on June 28, the Yale

orchestra performed “Pomp and Circumstance” as a tribute to Sir Edward.

People went bonkers. They were clapping and whistling and shouting, “You

da’ man, Eddie, you da man!” OK, not exactly, but they really liked it.

Yale started using “Pomp and Circumstance” for its graduation

processional the very next year and soon everyone jumped on the

bandwagon.

Not useless enough for you? Wait, there’s more. Do you know there are

lyrics to “Pomp and Circumstance?” Don’t feel bad. Neither does anyone

else. Sir Edward asked a British poet named Christopher Benson to pen a

few lines to go with “Pomp.” You think the music is stuffy? Try the

lyrics: “Land of hope and glory, mother of the free; How shall we extol

thee, who are born of thee? Wider still and wider, shall thy bounds be

set; God who made thee mighty, make thee mightier yet.”

Yikes. Thanks, Chris. Very inspiring. Now we know why no one has ever

heard the lyrics.

Let’s see. What else can I tell you as you start your new life? Do you

know what “pizza” means in Italian? Nothing. It’s from the Latin word

“picea,” which is what the Romans called a circle of dough that had been

blackened in a hot oven to make a pie shell. Naples is the world capital

of pizza. The first real pizzeria, called Antica Pizzeria Port D’Alba,

opened in Naples in 1830. Believe it or not, it is still in business

today.

No one has ever caught a computer virus at Antica Pizzeria, which is a

pathetic segue, but just delete any e-mail warnings you get about a new

computer virus. Notice that you never, ever, ever get one of these dire

warnings from the originator. It’s always from a friend of yours who

forwards a message to you that someone forwarded to them. No matter what

you’re told, no one has a buddy at Microsoft or Norton Antivirus or

anywhere else who has any inside scoop about anything. It’s all urban

myth nonsense.

I hate to go against my own policy, but here’s something that you can

actually use. Whenever you get one of these semi-hysterical, doomsday

virus-warnings, go to www.vmyths.com as fast as your little mouse will

take you. You’ll find all the latest virus hoaxes, including the

“original” e-mail that someone forwarded to you.

Speaking of water, if you buy bottled water because it’s convenient,

drink up. But if you buy it because you think it’s safer, save your

money. California drinking water meets a higher standard and has fewer

contaminants than about 60% of bottled waters. And no matter how thirsty

you are, never buy anything over the phone or on television and never,

ever from an infomercial.

If you can buy it over the phone or on TV, you don’t need it. When is

the last time you slapped your head and said, “Shoot, I forgot to buy one

of those rotisseries that cooks two chickens at the same time.” Never,

that’s when.

Which reminds me, cell phones are a wonderful thing. But don’t discuss

anything you don’t want anyone else to hear on a cell phone. They pick up

signals from other cell phones like nobody’s business. Get it --

“nobody’s business?” It’s like a joke. And don’t fall for the ads that

offer “17,000 minutes for $39.95 a month.” Check the fine print. It’ll

say something like “16,400 night and weekend minutes,” which you will

never, ever use.

What else? Be the best person you can, treat everyone exactly how

you’d like to be treated, learn how to cook and always keep a can of

chicken stock handy to add moisture instead of water. It adds flavor

without overpowering the other ingredients. I think that’s it. Live your

dream. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays.

He may be reached via e-mail at [email protected].