REEL CRITICS -- Joan Andre and June Fenner

Adventures in the revenge business

“The Count of Monte Cristo” could and should be a terrific

swashbuckler of momentous proportions. It has all the elements to make it

a real dazzler but falls short of the line. The cast is competent, the

scenery is magnificent, and the plot follows the original story as well

as any other version of the Alexandre Dumas classic.

Edmund Dantes (James Caviezel) is shown to be a good-hearted seaman

who will stick to his standards and do the right thing. He is painted to

be naive, even to the point of being guileless in the face of treachery.

This is how he came to be on Elba in the first place. At this point, you

wonder if it is necessary to paint Dantes as quite so gullible.

Fernand Mondego (Guy Pearce) is shown to be a drunken lout with very

few scruples and no loyalty to anyone but himself. He is the son of a

count and feels superior, despite the fact that he has never worked for

anything in his life. These two have grown up together and Mondego,

recognizing Dantes to be the better man, has always been jealous of

Dantes’ “good luck.” He even covets Dantes’ fiancee, Mercedes (Dagmara

Dominczyk).

When Dantes is appointed captain of his own ship, Mondego can no

longer stand it and betrays him. Dantes languishes in prison for five

years before he is mistakenly discovered by Abbe Faria (Richard Harris),

who spent 11 years digging his escape tunnel into Dante’s cell instead of

outside where he intended. Dantes agrees to help Abbe dig a new tunnel if

Abbe will teach him everything he knows. Harris is his usual, excellent

self.

When the tunnel collapses, killing Abbe, the guards leave to fetch a

body bag. At this point, Dantes finds the map to a treasure so great that

he can make a new life. Dantes then takes Abbe’s place in the body bag

and is mistakenly thrown off the cliff to freedom. He joins a bunch of

smugglers and pirates and so engages a loyal manservant. By the way, Luis

Guzman is his loyal friend, Jacobo, and does a splendid job.

It is at this point that things could pick up. Dantes becomes Monte

Cristo and plots to destroy each of his enemies in the same way he was

tortured. There was a dearth in the details to avenge himself upon his

enemies, and I think this is where all the feelings and involvement

should have come in. It is certainly where all the flamboyance and color

is.

Dantes’ relationship with Mercedes and her son was minimized, as was

the destruction of his enemies. The ending was a great disappointment,

but with a book this size the problem has always been whether to try to

extract the essence or to use just a part of the story. This will

probably always be extant with all future attempts to illustrate this

story.

Still, there are those of us who like a good adventure yarn, and this

falls in the ranks somewhere close to the top.

“The Count of Monte Cristo” is rated PG-13 for adventure violence and

swordplay, and some sensuality.

* JOAN ANDRE, “over 65,” is a Newport Beach resident who does a lot of

volunteer work.

So many surprises for the ‘Birthday Girl’

“Birthday Girl” is the creation of the Butterworth brothers, who might

well be considered Britain’s answer to the Coen brothers. Jez and Tom

Butterworth wrote the film, which Jez directed and brother Steve

produced.

As the film opens, we meet our hero, John Buckingham, played by Ben

Chaplin. John is a pleasant, quiet, timid young man who spends long

boring hours as a bank teller in a small British town. He seems to have

no social life at all. For recreation, he runs and indulges his fondness

for sex magazines. In short, he leads a life of quiet desperation.

The next thing we know, John’s desperation has driven him to take a

daring step. He makes a video application for a mail-order bride from

Russia. In his tape, he insists that his future bride must speak English.

He wants someone he can talk to.

Enter Nicole Kidman as Nadia. From the first time we see her across

the airport waiting room, we know she’s trouble. She certainly looks more

like a hooker than a sweet, blushing bride. And as John soon discovers,

“yes” is her only word of English. The amazing Nicole Kidman speaks

virtually all of her lines in Russian.

When his efforts to teach Nadia English produce no results, he

considers sending her back to Russia. Fortunately -- or unfortunately --

Nadia discovers John’s stash of “girlie” magazines. She may not be able

to read English, but she certainly understands the pictures. John decides

she may just be the girl of his dreams after all. He decides to prepare a

special birthday dinner for Nadia to show her he’s willing to give their

relationship a chance.

The events up to this point have just been a set up for the last act.

The birthday dinner is suddenly interrupted by the arrival of Nadia’s

cousin Yuri (Mathieu Kassovitz) and his pal Alexei (Vincent Cassel), who

are looking for a place to stay.

From this moment on, John’s life spins way out of control, and we the

audience go along for a very wild ride. To say more would spoil the fun.

Just imagine that you bought a ticket for a pleasant ride on a gentle

merry-go-round and suddenly found yourself on a killer roller coaster!

“Birthday Girl” is rated R for sexuality and language.

* JUNE FENNER, a Costa Mesa resident in her late 50s, is vice

president of a work-force training company.