Educationally-Speaking -- Gay Geiser-Sandoval

I celebrated my 28th wedding anniversary. As you guessed, mine was an

arranged marriage when I was 2 years old. That’s the only way to explain

how I could be married so long and still feel like I am 30.

Don’t you ever wonder why some people stay married for so long when

others call it quits within weeks of their wedding vows? My friend went

to some classes on marriage and found out that to ensure a strong

marriage, the family should go camping together. There is something about

camping that can’t be gained from other experiences.

My daughter, who read “What is a Nation,” suggested that the reason

camping works is that it creates a tie that binds people together. That

tie is “common suffering.” Camping acts as a glue to keep couples

focused, just as a war does to keep a nation focused. By sharing their

common suffering, families or nations can relate better to each other.

Noting our camping trips tend to have a lot of suffering, much of it

shared, she said that must be the secret. I don’t know if her theory is

true, but we always go camping at least once a year. We even honeymooned

in a pup tent in this keen place called Desolation Valley.

I thought the secret to our lasting marriage was compatibility. My

husband and I had so much in common to start with and, over the years, we

have added more. Just like a science hypothesis, I decided to test my

theory by listing just what we had in common. If my husband and I met at

a party today and didn’t know each other, would we be able to recognize

our instant compatibility?

The answer is yes and no. For instance, we have both been married for

28 years, have two daughters that are the same ages, live in a house in

the same city and same neighborhood, with the same decorations and

furniture. We drive the same cars and go to the same vacation spots. But,

most of that happened because my husband is willing to go along with my

suggestions. We do eat the same kind of food at home, but that is because

my husband will eat anything, as long as he can top it with chilies.

As my compatibility theory seemed to be going up in flames, my

daughter reminded me that we both like to go to movies. But, alas, he

likes “action movies” with blood, car crashes and special effects, which

is the kiss of death for me. I like thinking movies, preferably with

subtitles. He likes to channel surf and would have the TV on all day. I

read the TV Guide and only watch an occasional show. He will drive around

for an hour and still not ask for directions. I ask three different

people for directions before I start.

He likes to watch sports, whether on TV or in person. I go to watch

games only if I know the kids playing. He hates to shop and would never

go to two stores to make sure he gets the best deal. I can’t stand to buy

an item unless I’ve checked all of the ads and the Internet to ensure

there is no better bargain. He hates to dress up and go out at night and

I like to play Cinderella.

My hypothesis was in ruins, so I told my husband I was afraid we

weren’t compatible. He said, “We’re compatible in a million ways.” I

asked him to name just one. After much thought, he said, “We both like

corn on the cob,” which we were eating at the time. So much for the

compatibility theory!

So, after 28 years, I can only hope that we have some more suffering

in store for us. Happy Anniversary, my companion-in-suffering!

* GAY GEISER-SANDOVAL is a Costa Mesa resident. Her column runs

Tuesdays. She may be reached by e-mail at o7 [email protected] .