COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES -- peter buffa

Tempus fugit. Time to get moving, my friends. Tout de suite. Rapido.

Ahorita. Wiki wiki.

Do you know what the Newport-Mesa “Year

2000-Almost-the-Millennium-But-Not-Really” celebration is going to be?

Neither do I. We need a statement and we need it now.

Something bigger than bold, bolder than big, brighter than bright,

whatever. You know what I mean. Something that’ll be seen from Baja to

Santa Barbara when we throw the switch. Something with one foot in

Fairview Park and the other on Balboa Island. Something that we can all

look up to at the stroke of midnight, Dec. 31, and say, “Hmm. What is

that?” With less than 90 days to make our mark, it may be a little

slapdash, but so what? Where are the visionaries among us? You know,

Bucky Fuller, Charles Eames, Carl Sagan. OK, fine, they’re all dead, but

that’s no excuse.

Obviously, the rest of the world isn’t the least bit bothered by the

fact that Jan. 1, 2000 has no historical, scientific or religious

significance. You want cool millennium stuff? I’ll give you cool

millennium stuff. Grab your power crystals and don’t step in that energy

vortex. We’re goin’ to Europe. France seems to be ground-zero for

millennium madness.

For starters, 1,000 trees will be planted along the meridian that runs

through Paris. The “Green Meridian” project will be 750 miles long,

spanning the entire country. What does it mean? I have no idea. But don’t

ask a Parisian, please. If you ask them questions, they get even more

rude, if that’s possible. According to the artist who came up with the

idea, “The Green Meridian constitutes a symbolic way in which to share

time.” Mmm, OK.

Is that it? Mais non, mes amis. A French-Egyptian partnership is

building an updated version of the lighthouse of ancient Pharos, which

was apparently one of the seven wonders of the world. How does that work,

by the way? Sometimes it’s seven wonders, sometimes it’s eight wonders,

and the list is never the same. I don’t get it. Anyway, the lighthouse

will be a glass obelisk rising from the Mediterranean off the coast of

Alexandria. Le grand shard will be almost 500 feet high (mon dieu!) and

will emanate and reflect light for miles. The cost? If you have to ask,

you can’t afford it.

Will the British be outdone? Not by the French, thank you so much.

Welcome to the Millennium Dome, which is being touted as the largest

exhibition hall ever built. The very major domo is being built in

Greenwich, home of the clock, and will house mass quantities of concerts,

exhibitions, and all sorts of carryings-on when the big 1/1 arrives. You better ask the price on this one: $1.25 billion. Yikes. It will cover

80,000 meters of land -- room enough to park 3,300 buses. How big is that

in acres? Let’s see, 80,000 meters divided by 4,046, times, well -- it’s

huge.

Prime Minister Tony Blair pronounced the domiest of domes, “the most

exciting thing to happen anywhere in the world in the year 2000.” Hmm. A

little over the top, Tony. It’s one hell of a dome, but on Jan. 2, it’s

still a dome, only now it’s a big empty dome. But I must say, as dome

ideas go, it isn’t the domiest I’ve heard. For that, we cross the channel

once again.

French artist Jean-Marc Philippe is beating the bushes for enough

francs to launch a small satellite into orbit. The twist is that the

little space ball will carry a number of CD-ROMs with messages in a

multitude of languages. Great concept, but it’s one more proof of my

theory that the last new idea anyone had was in 1673. It’s all been a

matter of recycling since then. Some 25 years ago, a NASA satellite

called “Voyager” carried a solid gold record with greetings from

children around the world in scores of languages, along with musical

selections, a brief history of the human race and even a map of our solar

system.

NASA aimed Voyager toward deep space, pulled the rubber band way back,

and let it rip. Voyager is still out there, in theory, somewhere between

Alpha Centauri and El Centro. The gold record was designed, by the way,

by Carl Sagan. Yes, it’s true. Never throw away old ties or old

satellites. Sooner or later, everything old is new again. Anyway,

according to Jean-Marc, “When gliding under the sun’s rays, its wings

will take life and begin to beat like those of a large migratory bird.”

OK. Well. Moving on.

Where does that leave us? Eighty four days left and nothing cooking,

that’s where. Cooking? We haven’t even defrosted anything yet. Think,

people, think. Find a quiet moment, tune into some Mozart or Vivaldi,

close your eyes and unleash the power of ideas. Remember, it has to be

huge, thematic, politically correct, hopelessly esoteric and really,

really expensive. With only 10 weeks to go, it probably has to be

something inflatable. Or maybe one of those human chains where everyone

holds hands and sings something sappy.

Wait, what about what’s his name, “Christo.” Let me think. We drape

everything between the Performing Arts Center and the Peninsula in a

ribbon of gold foil that spells out “Hi! We’re in Newport-Mesa. What’s

your name?” from outer space. No, that’s dumb. Whatever. You decide. Just

let me know ASAP so we can get started. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Fridays.

E-mail him at [email protected].