Cancer survivors’ reunion celebrates life, lasting friendship
It was a reunion full of tears, laughter, love and gratitude.
For more than a dozen cancer survivors who met 15 years ago on a retreat presented by a support organization, the anniversary gathering last weekend in Irvine celebrated a special journey of friendship.
The women, who called themselves the “Mighty 13” because they were the 13th group to attend the retreat sponsored by the now-defunct Healing Odyssey, gathered for lunch Saturday at the home of breast cancer survivor Lesley Mitchell to clink glasses of champagne, catch up with one another and honor group members who died of the disease.
“Hallelujah, hallelujah, she’s here,” Janice Freeman shouted as she saw Debbie Mazareth walking into Mitchell’s home. “I love you so much. How are you?”
It had been a year since the women, whose first meeting involved a daring feat on a rock, last saw one another. They planned this day two months ago.
“We’re just going to … laugh, honor those we have lost and then 10 hours later, we’ll still be here,” said Nancy Jaffe of Palm Desert, referring to how women with such deep ties and so much to share won’t have trouble filling the time.
Glossy photographs of the retreat, of lost “sisters” and of old and more recent reunions were scattered on a dining room table.
As they made toasts to one another, to life and to personal empowerment, Lesley Gore’s 1963 hit “You Don’t Own Me” played on the radio.
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Coming together
Cancer, such a dreaded disease, was the pathway to the many friendships that formed — as well as the women’s own inner journeys.
When Nancy Anderson was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000, she didn’t want to talk about her illness to anyone — not her family, friends, colleagues or students. The psychology professor from Costa Mesa said she simply wanted self-care. She had chemotherapy on Fridays, followed by rest on the weekends to prepare for lectures on Wednesdays.
But the stress of the disease was growing on her, she said.
She went to a support group at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach and learned of a nonprofit called Healing Odyssey.
A pamphlet described a weekend retreat that would go beyond the typical support group experience. Women would learn self-healing tools and new coping skills and could acknowledge their feelings and untapped abilities. The event was to take place on a mountaintop overlooking Santa Barbara, away from the pressures of daily life.
Anderson signed up.
So did Freeman and Helen Maurer, who met at the UCI Medical Center cancer center, and Mitchell and Jaffe, who met at a Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure breast cancer fundraiser.
“We were ready for a shot in the arm for positivity,” Jaffe said. “We’ll never forget that weekend.”
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‘A retreat from the world’
It was a like a pajama party for grown-ups — some without hair, some with short hair and others wearing wigs.
Women who had not met before, who were from different parts of the state and from different generations, shared their stories of surviving. In their camp-style rooms, they talked about their fears and their recovery processes.
“It was a retreat from the world,” said Maurer, a Mission Viejo resident. “We all came together.”
But Anderson wanted to keep private.
She and Freeman, who was her roommate, initially had a personality clash.
“She was so quiet and reserved and she kept to herself,” said Freeman, who lives in Santa Ana. “That is, until she faced ‘The Edge.’”
The Edge was a cliff that the women would hang their toes over while wearing a harness and stretching out their arms. With a connection to ropes behind them, they would lean out at a 45-degree angle beyond The Edge, symbolizing an end, a beginning or a place to avoid or lean into.
“When Nancy did it, she was screaming,” Freeman said with a laugh. “After that, we called her a butterfly. It was like she was in a cocoon and she finally opened up.”
“I had found my center, my core, my spirit,” Anderson said.
“At the end of it all,” Freeman said, “she was skipping.”
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Keeping memories alive
Healing Odyssey, formed to help empower female cancer survivors, began holding retreats in 1994. The spring and fall sessions were designed to complement traditional medical treatments with experimental counseling techniques.
But after 45 retreats, the organization disbanded in 2013 because of a lack of donations.
Donna Farris, a clinical social worker and former retreat leader, who attended the reunion Saturday, said she is thinking of reviving the nonprofit.
“The whole [retreat] weekend gave us goose bumps,” Freeman said. “We just had great chemistry and we kept together.”
After the retreat in 2000, the emerging popularity of email allowed the women to exchange messages asking to keep in touch. They also formed a website.
In 2005, they held their first reunion, featuring massages, hairstyling and manicures at the home of a woman who has since passed away. They met again for their 10th anniversary and have gathered every year since.
Saturday’s lunch was especially poignant for Farris, who had led the women through meditation and yoga, nature hikes and group discussions at the retreat.
Mitchell hugged Farris, her counselor on the retreat, and said the experience transformed her.
“I never had any fear after that,” Mitchell said, glancing at her friends. “This is just the best group. We’ve stayed so connected, and we’re so grateful to be alive.”